Hello everybody! 😊
How are you doing?
Some might have wondered why I became so quiet, although I have been so active during the last year.
This wasn´t planned. Real life came in between, and to be honest, it had been 2 horrible months. I was and I am still ill. I needed to move to a new apartment during that time. And for my mental health it also had been a terrible winter.
It wasn´t sure if it might be something very serious. And this made me really nervous. Having anxiety disorders and getting such a message is more than challenging. But since monday I know it´s nothing serious, I have medicine now and hope everything will be alright again soon. 😊
This also showed me that I really need to take better care of my health. As a chronical ill person, I just can´t work 70 hours a week (which I did last year for many months). I feel burnt out, my immune system is not working properly. And my mental health really suffered during the last months. I am sure this is the consequence of too much work and not taking care of myself.
So for now, I take it slow, finding my way back to work with easy and short tasks, and make breaks with my litte dog Thila on the sofa. 💜
Writing this post is very important for me, and I hope you will take the time to read it through.
I wanted to do this for so long, always postponed it. But I think now is the right opportunity.
Mental health is a topic which still often is a taboo, at least in my country.
I think it is very important that these taboos and stereotypes are broken down. And I want to contribute my share to it. This means, to talk openly about it, and not feel ashamed anymore for it. Because it affects my life in a massive way, which means it also affects my work as a creative, a musician, a blogger. If I want it or not, it is a part of me. There is no Raven without these diseases.
I was born with some of these things, others just came during my life because of (negative) experiences I made. And I know, I will not get rid of them. I learned to live with them, due to alot of therapy, clinic stays, but still, psychological strain remains and always will be there. It is a hard life all of the affected people have.
Many don´t understand.
Having mental diseases is normally not as accepted in society as having other diseases. What people can´t see, most of them don´t take serious.
I have had alot of different health problems in my life already, and I can say that the mental diseases are the worst, and the hardest to cope with.
And also the hardest to cure or treat.
Let me explain further.
I suffer of ADHS, Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety and Panic Disorder and Depression. So I basically know the whole deal.
Many people don´t even know what all these diseases are. They only know bits and pieces and think they can form their picture out of their very small information. But this is not working. I could write a book about these diseases, because they are so complex and have so many shades to it. And being ill and making therapy, working with yourself, does make you an expert in your own disease after a few years. There is so much to know about these things, it is not as easy as you may think. It´s not only about the small pieces you heard on TV or read on the internet about it. This post is not for explaining how these diseases work. It´s just too complex. But just to sharpen your senses a little bit.
I often heard stuff like: "Oh wow, you have Borderline. Well please, I hope you will not threaten me or hit me, I am afraid of you now..." ❓❗️😐
Or: "Ah there is no such thing as depression. Just don´t be such a baby! Get your ass up and go to work." 🙄
"Why are you afraid of such stupid things? You are being ridiculous."
"Just do some meditation and it will be fine."
I could go on with these sentences forever. I used to be very mad and sad a very long time everytime I heard this stuff, because I felt so misunderstood, or just put into a pigeonhole. I learned to "shit" on these people now to be honest, don´t let me influence me or drag me down. Because they are lacking of knowledge, empathy or tolerance.
But I also know, that I must be a part of the solution. To bring this knowledge to people, help them develop empathy and understanding. Some will never want to do this. Some will stay in their narrowed mind forever, we can´t help them. But for those who are willing to learn and change, I want to try and help them.
We, the people who have these diseases, suffer. We suffer everyday. Our life is hard, it is a battle every day. Even if you might not see this from the outside. And life becomes so much harder if people are not accepting, having tolerance or saying these shit sentences. This is the part of the disease that doesn´t have to be like this, that we need to change.
We need more acceptance and tolerance.
Having people that we trust, that understand us and stick to us is very important. It makes living with these diseases easier.
I know many people from my stays in clinics, that don´t have any family anymore. That don´t have any friends anymore. Because these people didn´t know how to handle these diseases. Yes it is a challenge, for everyone around, not only for the ill person. But if have mentally disabled people in your life, if you love these people, you also have a responsibility to gain knowledge about the illness and help your loved ones.
Be there for them, instead of stereotyping them.
It is very important for me to try and make a change in the future about these diseases.
No one should be ashamed if they have a mental disorder!! But many of us are. Many of us keep it secret, and try not to talk about it. Because they get disadvantaged in jobs, social life, etc.
I know this from my own life very well.
I needed to go to the doctor for 2 years in a row, making alot of tests and stuff to find out if I am allowed to keep my driving license. I never caused accidents, I never drove drunk or with drugs. I am an exemplary driver. But still, just the fact that my file says "BORDERLINE" caused this. The person from the authority told me that they suspect that people with Borderline want to kill themselves while driving, and they are a threat for everyone else. Sorry... WHAT?
I needed to make all these tests, feeling like a shitty dumb person while doing these. And the best part of it all. I had to pay for the tests MYSELF. It costed more than 400 Euros. Which I didn´t have at that time. Luckily my brother gave it to me. If I wouldn´t have been able to pay for it, I would not have a drivers license anymore, which meant I would have lost my job I had back then. Because there was no chance to go there without car.
This is just ridiculous. Imagine what other problems this would have caused in my life. Losing the job, getting treated like a stupid idiot.
This is only one little story. I experienced many more like this. This shit makes life even so much harder.
Why does this have to be? Why can´t we support each other? Gain knowledge first, before we stereotype other people? Develop tolerance and support.
I wish I could find a way to make a change for these topics. I am confident though, that I will come up with a good idea in the future to support the mentally ill people, at least here on Hive.
I just hope all of you will think more about this topic, before stereotyping someone, without understanding what torments them on the inside.
Let me ask you a few questions:
Have you ever had a panic attack? Have you ever felt mortal fear? Have you ever felt like you lost the most important person in your life? Have you ever felt as if you will die? Have you ever felt like the lonliest person on this planet? Have you ever experienced how it feels if everyone around you laughs at you and bullies you? Even hit you? Spit into your face?
Do you have to take medicine that has side effects everyday? Is it an exception if you have a day without pain or exhaustion?
If yes,
then please remember these feelings next time you are "judging" a mentally ill person. Because many of us live with these feelings or experiences every day.
If not,
then you should consider yourself lucky that you don´t have to experience these feelings. And give some of your strentgh to the people who suffer and need your support.
Thanks for reading all this. It was just important for me to be open about this topic, and to make a start to sharpen your senses for this. I´ve experienced so much negative stuff connected to my diseases, that I am fed up with this and I needed to talk about it. Life is hard enough, even without intolerance.
What does this mean for my future here?
My health definitely showed me to slow down. Take my own diseases more serious. And don´t let other people put me under pressure. Only I know what I can perform and provide, and what I can´t.
This will mean, everything I do here from now on will be slowed down. Of course I am sad about this. Because I love my music, my art, my projects and Hive. But I need to accept the pace I am able to make and not try to rush it.
And I hope you will accept it too.
I am sorry for all my $RAVEN token holders and loyal supporters. But if you really like what I do, I know you will stick around and understand and support. 💜
It made me sad to see that my Discord server became more quiet when I was not able to give so much as before. And it also made me sad to see that people are trying to sell my $RAVEN token already. Only because there have not been drops for a few months. It puts me under pressure, gives me the feeling that I need to deliver non stop. But well, I just can´t. I am only me and I can only do my pace.
If you know me, you know that I am always trying to give my best. And this is what I still do. I don´t lack of great ideas. I just lack of energy, money and team members to fulfill my ideas in the pace I would like to. I feel weak right now, like a loser, I can´t get a connection to my Raven power which has always been inside me. But from now on, I try not to be sad about this. I need to give myself time to find back to my strength. I just try to be proud of everything I can achieve and produce. Because this is what I should be.
I know many people with the diseases that I have, who can´t even go to work. They are too exhausted and suffer.
If I have one thing in my life that changes alot, it has always been my mettle and ambition. I will never stop trying to achive my goals and dreams, although I have no good start conditions for it. But I don´t care.
I am proud of everything I achieved already. More than many healthy and sane people did in their lives. So I will just go on, always in the hope that one day, life will become easier. I have always been a fighter, or otherwise I would not be alive anymore. And I will always continue to be a fighter. I won´t give up.
If you suffer from mental diseases aswell, don´t give up! You can do it! And be proud of yourself, because you manage life every day, you get up and do your thing, no matter how hard it is!! And this is something to be proud of. Don´t feel ashamed or like a loser. You have been given these mental problems for a reason. Try to use the advantages that also comes with every mental illness and makes you unique.
Thank you so much for reading this through. For giving me the opportunity to share my feelings and view. Thank you for always being here for me and sticking around. Supporting my wild ideas! 💜🖤
I owe you alot!
Let´s all work together to make a change to the stereotypes and prejudices. Thank you!!
Best regards,
RAVEN 🐦
I am very thankful for everyone who supports me on my journey!!
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