Good evening, fellow babies! Welcome to the inaugural edition of The Love Doctor, where I answer any and all questions related to the topics of love you may have. You have questions; through my multitude of successful relationships I have all the answers you will ever need, fellow babies! Sit back, relax, and let me tell you what it's all about.
Today's topic: First Dates
I know, absolutely know, that all you youngsters out there have this burning question on your mind: "Doctor, please tell me, Doctor!, what should I do and expect on a first date?"
You have come to the right place, young grasshopper! First dates are one of the trickiest pieces of inter-personal relationship mazes to try and make your way through. Now, there are probably a couple things on your mind already, like, "Is it okay to try to expect the horizontal mambo" or "should I dress in my Sunday finest and get a reservation at the highest end restaurant I can afford"?
The answer to both is a resounding no! The horizontal mambo? Really? Who even speaks like that anymore. C'mon, baby, just say it for what it is. "Can I make love to my date on a first date?"
The answer is still a resounding no! Just, no. Frankly, not even a second date. Or a third.
And your Sunday best? C'mon, little person! Your date will see right through that for the farce that it is. You'll be seen for lacking any and all substance and just looking to make a show and impress where it isn't due. Listen to the Love Doctor, here, for a far, far better idea for a first date:
Mud Wrestling
Now, you might be thinking to yourself... "What? Mud wrestling?? Doctor, how can that be so?" And I say to you, fellow baby, that not only is mud wrestling is where it's at, it is the ideal first date. Nothing will tell you more about your potential partner than a good roll in the mud and has everything that a good first date should have:
Mud wrestling is very modest. Both you and your date will be well covered in mud and show no unnecessary skin.
You will learn a lot about your date while mud wrestling. Is your date smiling in the pit? That's great! They know that they want to have fun and how to have it. Do they look a little timid and perhaps standoffish? That's fine too; they'll be better suited for tag-team mud wrestling where you can take the lead.
There is no love-making in the mud pit, so there is no worry about either party trying to "go too far."
You'll learn very quickly just what type of person your date and potential partner is. Are they the grabby type? Or are they interested in outright winning at all costs? This is good knowledge to have!
Now, location might be a question, as there seems to be a frightening dearth of public mud wrestling pits in most communities. Never fear! A back yard after a good rain could work. This might even be a good time to spread some soil for some reseeding! The intrepid among you might even take the opportunity to open your own public mud wrestling pit! Who knows, this first date could lead to a long term successful business partnership!
And there you have it, fellow babies, the doctors sage advice for a first date is a good mud wrestling night. If you're lucky, your date will even then ask for a third to join in.
Send any and all questions of love you might have to The Love Doctor, and I'll be sure to get them answered in the order they're received.
(c) All images and photographs, unless otherwise specified, are created and owned by me.
(c) Victor Wiebe
About Me
Sometimes photographer. Wannabe author. Game designer. Nerd.
General all around problem-solver and creative type.
Creator of What I Learned Today Hive community: https://peakd.com/c/hive-131257/created
Blind Skeleton
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