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I could hear my mum screaming my name EMMA, EMMA, don’t walk out on me I’m talking to you, but I still did, I walked out on her and snuggled under my blanket in my cramped up room.
I had just gotten back from work and had a really stressful day, but the good thing is I ate in the morning(my signature meal fufu and soup), I was on meds and these meds drained me of all my energy before I got home. Not long after I came home did my mum walk in, she then told me to prepare a meal for her, which is what I ate in the morning. Fast forward to after her meal I told her I’m equally starving and she made a snarky remake, in hindsight it wasn’t that snarky I was just hungry and I yelled at my mum.Cuddled up in my room my mum walked in and tried to talk to me but I pushed her farther away, I didn’t want to talk, I wanted to be left alone.It was a rollercoaster of emotions that day, emotions I had locked inside, emotions I never wanted to express, emotions I only see in movies.
I stayed in bed till 11pm when my brother dropped off a meal for me. How pathetic could I be? I could’ve just prepared a meal for myself but instead I chose to starve.
THE DREAM
I woke up in my old college, I was sleeping on my desk and carrying three notes. We were supposed to do a physical activity that day so everywhere was packed. It seemed I was writing important things in my notebook, which I wanted no one to see.Felicia came up to me and said ‘hi emma, we’re supposed to be exercising not writing, you’re too much of a bookworm, it’s becoming annoying’. I just ignored her, she couldn’t understand how important this message I was writing was. I had to finish it quickly and submit it to our professor.I quickly finished my writing and joined the rest of the group, when I came back my book I had wrapped in my scarf was gone, I walked briskly to Felicia’s backpack, she came running and I was trying to stop me from opening her bag, I pushed her away and opened the bag, it held my books and scarf, she wanted to say something, and at the same time I turned around and slapped her. There was pin drop silence, the whole hall went quiet. I wasn’t a violent person so why did I slap her, I didn’t mean to, instead I walked away and stood close to the restroom. Why did I slap her, when did I start engaging in violent acts, why didn’t I apologize. While I was wallowing in my feelings, someone walked to me, and started patting my back. I looked at him and he said it’s okay, professor Micheal saw me engage in a violent act, this has to be the worst day of my life. He was trying to talk to me when I noticed a pup, it was limping. I moved to the pup and noticed it had only one leg. Life must be so hard on you, I said whilst stroking its fur, I didn’t know when I started crying.
Waking up from the dream, I knew there was only one thing to do. Walking towards the door I said ‘I’M SORRY MUM’.
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