Well single ladies out there must have been fantasizing about this for years. I am not one of them. Just about last year I actually started to think about the idea itself and what would I truly like. Maybe because of the divorce of my parents I was quite afraid of the subject. Cancelling my own wedding because I discovered infidelity definetely did not help me rebuild trust in the concept although deep inside I had moments of dreaming about it.
But slowly as I started to disentangle the story of my own traumas and life choices, I started to realize that I like the idea. But something about the way it is done, at least in my country, feels wrong to me.
First of all....The title of my article was meant to show the one thing that should not matter the most. The wedding. Stay with me. I say this because many plan for the big wedding but have no strategy for the lifelong successful marriage. Yes. Many want the wedding with all of the bling but the marriage is somehow left outside. It is always about the bride and somehow the groom seems like a poor olive thrown on top of the pizza, forgotten in the background. This is wrong, at least this is how I feel.
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In Romania there is an entire prejudice around the concept. Parents attend the weddings of their family friends and of their acquaintances only to gather numbers and money. It's serious business. Business. Where is the love?
Second it is a game about age. Most parents pressure their children now turned into adults into getting married. They try to tell them what kind of woman or man is suitable. They look at the family. At possessions. It is a whole research. For me this has always felt very wrong because a marriage should be about the two of them, not about the entire freaking clan and monetary gains and planning babies like this is normal.
I dream of an elopement wedding. I was talking with one of my best friends and I even did some research. Funny enough Denmark is the most "get married abroad and elope" friendly country in Europe. Haha. Why I like the concept? Well I am an introvert and as hard as it is for you to believe I am quite shy if I am in big groups or crowds. I can barely count on my ten fingers the people I would genuinely want in that moment with me and him. Eloping means having the ceremony in a very intimate place. Just the two of us and maximum some important witnesses we WANT to choose. For me that is magic for my ears because the special moment would truly be special like this: in a calm place, with no pressure and deadlines, with no one that you have to please. You can be yourself. Casual clothes. Comfort. You can have the "for the world and the less true important people" party afterwards. You can wear casual comfortable clothes......yes yes. Gosh girls why torture yourself with so much make-up , foot pain and tight corsets? Dear men why sit in that awful costume sweating like crazy? Why? I would so use morw money for my honeymoon, with my loved one, rather than trying to impress people I do not care about for some hours. 1 month honeymoon travelling with my hubbie versus trying to impress? You do the math, the choice is obvious to me.
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I think I might be searching the needle in the haystack for this one as a lot of men in my country are still quite conservative and unfortunately they think in their 30's as if they would be in their 60's . They conform. To the norms. They want to please others while forgetting about themselves.
But we only live once. And why put a price that high on a wedding than on the marriage? I think the best question is to ask yourself as a woman this : do I want the wedding or the marriage with this man? Ouchie. If my kids would ask me about my lovestory before marrying I would hate to say to them: oh well mommy settled. I was too tired to search and I stayed with daddy cuz well we had you and well all men are bla bla. Hell no! Just notice the madness: spending a fortune on a wedding in order to have a mediocre marriage with someone that you are not even excited living a life with! Oh well maybe I crush your bubble. But this is truly today's reality and this is why weddings turned into profitable businesses. Everyone makes a buck. Especially out of the pockets of the suckers who want to impress. Yes this is harsh yet so true. If that couple would have invested at least half of those money in some couple counselling or good couple's books their chances at true happiness would be better.
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I always liked to do things differently. I had the courage to say things that most would choose to keep inside and gather anger. I believe in love. In a lovestory that is just for our souls and transforming it into a parade feels sad for me. I rather say no to a false show and yes to authenticity.
The photos in this article belong to Sean Bell, one of my favourite photographers when it comes to elopement wedding photography.
Check his work here:https://seanbellphotography.com/
