I like to sit and observe newly-married couples in parks and other pretty places where they go to take their photos taken by unimpressed-looking photographers they've paid so they can get a few likes from people they despise over on Instagram.
Cynical? Not if you've spent any amount of time watching these couples. Almost without fail, the groom's just going along with it passively, while the bride's stressing out about looking (and not being) happy and gorgeous (by whose standards, though?). Running from church to photo shoot to restaurant to over-priced honeymoon. Doesn't look like much fun to me, which is true for the rest of the wedding ceremony here, as well.
I don't know what it's like where you are, but here, it's customary to gift money to the couple. Not as an actual gift, but ostensibly to pay for the party they're throwing. There are very strict do's and don'ts. There's a certain sum that should be in that envelope. It's bad manners not to. It seems like a terribly off-putting custom to me. It's not that I'd mind the money itself, but I'd prefer to give the couple something they want or need, or might like. An actual gift, you know, to mark a (hopefully) one-of-a-kind special union.
Here, it really just translates to here's this bit of money so that I get a meal in some fancy over-the-top restaurant and get to stuff myself while hoping you do the decent thing and turn up at my wedding, also.
Time and again, I've heard this mentality - oh we have to go, or they won't come to ours (or our kid's, or whatever). I'd hate to think the people who come to my wedding do so because I went to theirs. For a free meal is slightly better reasoning, though it's hardly free if I'm making them "gift" through the nose, is it?
Another Romanian wedding tradition I find abhorrent is the stealing of the bride. As it sounds, this is where a group of guests (often friends of the groom) steal away the bride and take her to an undisclosed location for the groom to find. (It's more complex, with negotiations and such, but I have no patience for it) It just seems like such a stupid, trite way to start something wonderful.
In fact, as far as I'm concerned, we can dispense with much of the modern wedding "traditions". I don't care about the expensive dress, and I'm not keen on wearing white to hint at pretense-purity. I don't care about a groom wearing a fancy get-up, I'd much rather have a man who's dedicated to making things work as opposed to looking the part. The restaurant, we can skip that, though I'll make pastries and a nice cake for anyone who cares to have a drink at the house. I don't want a big crowd. Who has time for a restaurant? It'll be on a beach, so everyone can have a swim after, anyway. Church-y stuff? Maybe. I think there's a numinosity to marriage, if it's done properly, and I do intend to do it properly. So maybe a priest if he's nice and not too poncy.
One tradition I did always like for some reason was the asking for the lady's hand. The coming together of two clans, because I do think you need some of that. It's my ancestors meeting yours, and while any relationship should be between the two people involved, there is inevitably an element of our nurture in there. In my country, it's customary for the groom-to-be to come accompanied by his family to ask the bride's family for her hand.
My mom would hate it. She'd say it's not her business to give away my hand. And it's not, but that's not what that means, I think. Really, it's a coming together of multiple people that genuinely love you and want what's good for you. It's a sign of trust for all involved I think. That, I would like. The rest, they can keep.
Anyway, that's my two cents' worth for this week's Ladies of Hive, asking:
Marriage is a universal tradition, yet its celebration reflects the unique values, customs, and traditions of each culture. What are the most significant traditions, customs, and practices that define wedding ceremonies in your culture? How do they embody your community's heritage and beliefs?
What about you? Any marriage traditions you're particularly keen on?
