I was wondering about the best way to put my thoughts forward but I’m glad I got to talk about this, especially since the usual heat of my room became rather unbearable this evening. I’m seated on the steps outside my dorm and randomly thought about my birthday which passed recently.
Because my birthday is in January and way before most of my peers, I get to be the first person to turn a particular age. And so on my birthday on the 16th, I got a text from one of my childhood friends. It said, “I just realized how old you’re turning. You’re getting old. Practically an old woman now, it’s scary.”
Like I said, this is my childhood friend who is turning the same age later on in the year, so I knew his statement wasn’t borne from malice but the fact that we transitioned from seven year olds comparing meals in our lunch boxes to sixteen year olds battling crushes and high school ideas of relationships and now we’re well into adulthood and while we are somewhat more liberated than when we were younger, we’re less liberated than when we were younger.
I’ve never really been so bothered about age and I tend not to dwell on it but rather take it in stride. The only thing that I notice about entering into a new age are the rather subtle things. Like I realized that I’m getting a lot bolder about expressing myself, not running away from issues, confronting things head on, flirting shamelessly if I absolutely need to, hehe, saying things as they are and not being needlessly worried if a person’s opinions or perspective of me changes because of how I think and whatnot.
In summary, I notice the changes in me as a person and not necessarily what is expected of me or the significance of my age in the modern world. I think dealing with getting older could be easier if we all had the mentality that there’s really not much we can do to change or delay the age we’re turning and all that comes with it. But I know that there’s a lot of pressure, especially in my part of the world. The pressure to be successful, the pressure to marry, the pressure to have children. So much pressure that most people can’t help being caged in.
I don’t know if life is getting easier or harder as I mature. The economy of my country is certainly worsening, but life on a personal level is neither easier nor harder, but I would say it is certainly more enlightening. Each year I learn far too many vital things. About life, about myself, about relationships with people and just how to be the best version of myself. Staying true to who I am and not losing sight of that for any reason whatsoever.
When it comes to aging, I have no fear for myself but for other people I care about. But since that is not the subject today, I’d rather not go into it. I hope that as I age, I keep seeing, keep experiencing and keep living the life. I don’t want to ever feel that a particular year passed me by without having some personal growth or achievement that I can be proud of. But the fact that I survived through a year is enough to be proud of.
Anyway, I tend to get too deep into these things. But I’m glad I got to talk about this one. As a woman, constantly evolving, reflective moments like these are always welcome. Just to keep tabs that at this age, this is what I thought and this is how I felt. But for now, I’ll stop here and spend the remaining minutes before the dorm gates are locked, to bask in this most sensational breeze.
Jhymi🖤
Image is mine.
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