This week @ladiesofhive - Contest comes up with these three questions. I would like to answer the first one.
1️⃣ What was the most devastating event in your life? Express your feelings and how you coped.
2️⃣ Experiencing the most insightful time in your life, was it complicated or a sudden moment in realization? Explain what happened, and how elated you felt.
3️⃣ Explain the most beneficial experience you have encountered producing results that satisfy you or your lifestyle. Let us know what it was and how it affected you.
There are two such incidents in my life I cannot weigh which one has been more painful for me, but one of them I have been able to recover from, where as the other one has always been on my mind and I do not think I can ever get it off me. I'll share both of them. The first one being the more impactful one which till date leaves me in some guilt.
In 2000 my dad passed away. He was unwell for a long time for the last 3 years of his life he was bedridden. he was suffering from multiple health problems. He was suffering from Hydrocephalus, in this there is a fluid increase in the brain and with that there would be pressure on his brain and his brain would shrink. Every few months they would do Lumbar Puncture treatment to remove the fluid. It was all very painful for him to go through and for us to see. When the fluid would increase, his behavior would be very erratic. He would lose his senses. He would not recognize us, he would not know what he is talking, he would not be able to walk. Too much pain he had to go through.
And then on 21st July 2000 he had a brain hemorrhage and he went into coma. I was his dearest and closest. He was a single parent to me and we did not have any close family members. He was kind of a cut off person from the family. So it was Me, him and my Sister who had each other's back. My sister had delivered just a few days back so she was not in a position to look after him. Then it was only me who was left.
Dad was admitted to hospital in ICU. For 5 days he was in Coma with absolute no good signs and Doctor had informed me that there was no hope so whatever few days he can get on with those machine support. I was all the time in hospital with him. Never left for anything from there. On 26th July morning just after 5 days of hospitalization, morning dad made some body movements by himself and Doctor told me that was a good sign. I was very happy in that moment, I kissed him and told him, come back soon, I am waiting.
Being 5 days in the hospital day and night, that day I decided to go home for some time, freshen up, get my change of clothes and come back. I was also wanting to meet my Son who was 3 years then. I informed the nurse and went home. Just within an hour of me reaching home, I received the call from the hospital saying my Dad was no more. I was devastated in that moment. I could not believe that he would cheat me like this. The first moment I felt very angry with him, why he had to do that. Why did he go away when I was not around. I was there all the time, but he chose to leave in my absence. I cried and cried a lot wanting to get this answer. I had many emotions at that time I was angry and I was in sorrow. Till date I cannot get over this and I still complain to him why he had to do that. Often in my dreams he comes, hugs me says he loves me and leaves. But I still cannot get over it.
The second one happened 2 years back when my hubby was hospitalized for his Myasthenia crises. It was bad, Doctor had given up hope but I did not. There were many moments during his treatment where it was like he was gone, and he would bounce back. After almost 4 months of his treatment there were some signs of recovery and Doctor for the first time gave me hope. I was happy, they moved him from ICU to a normal room. But the same day he was moved out of ICU, that evening he again collapsed and they had to shift him to ICU again.
In this time, the whole incident of my Dad last day flashed in front of my mind. I was utterly devastated in that moment. I was fighting with myself, my dad in heaven and all the Gods that they could not be so unfair to me. That night I must have cried like I had never in my life before. By morning he got stable again but I could still not get out of that fear. In 2 days they again moved him back to the room from ICU and after that he was ok. But every time he would be little restless and I would lose my own breath. Now that he is back perfectly fine again, this has also been eased out from my mind.
Yes some events in our life can be very traumatic and it takes a lifetime to heal. I feel very emotional writing this blog today. It brings back all the memories of the past. But when we express and release that is also one form of healing.
I will like to invite @sugandhaseth to participate in this contest.
Thank you for visiting my blog. 👼🏻👼🏻💖💖🌹🌺🌸
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