Sometimes we must put distance to feel emotionally calm and at peace, always remembering that the family of origin is NOT chosen, it was the one that touched us and it is not always possible to have a healthy relationship with everyone.
Opening up to them and even blocking them if necessary for our mental health, even if it hurts is the best. Undoubtedly, there are cases like this about what I just wrote is the best possible decision.
We don't always have the parents we would like to have. In fact, if we could have chosen, we wouldn't have chosen them. It may also be that we deeply love our parents and they love us.
But the coincident point is the fact of exercising forgiveness, understanding, and understanding. Because from those feelings we live better with our parents or even with the lack of them.
I think that if our parents are to blame, or they are not to blame, it is also our duty, to seek to heal our wounds when we are adults, to free ourselves from those burdens.
I have had very sincere conversations with my parents where I have explained to them the damage that overprotection and perfectionism in my upbringing does to us as children, after going to therapies many times, I still do it, I have forgiven them and I have expressed them to them too.
When I stopped seeing them as heroes and accepted them as imperfect humans, with many flaws I could appreciate everything they did for me, from the level of consciousness they had at that time, with their own wounds and traumas.
One tends to blame parents, but we do not assume that the maturity of being able to improve as human beings and take actions to correct acquired parenting behaviors are "OUR responsibility as an adult", to manage these experiences in favor of our well-being.
This topic I am writing about today touches many families, including my own. It is often about breaking the circle, there will be things that other people will have lived through more or less hard. However, recognizing the need to forgive and/or ask for forgiveness is key in this matter.
Forgiveness is a liberating ingredient. So the other side "does not assume it", forgiving gives us true freedom.
I say this because we are free to live "imprisoned" in pain, in bitterness, meanwhile, we are free to remain anchored in the past, for what parents could do or not do.
The act of forgiving fits within the first commandment with promise; so that it may go well with us, and we may have a long life on earth.
Notice that it doesn't say Honor your parents if they were good or bad. It just says: Honor them!.
So by forgiving we are free to heal, and we are fulfilling the Honor! . And we can't control what the other person feels, does or thinks.
But what we do with our emotional wounds.
About this topic of which I write about forgiveness to our parents there is a movie on Netflix, which talks about this, it's called: I can only imagine, I recommend it.
On the cover my beloved parents, prepared for the day of thanksgiving, at home, whom I honor eternally. It's my promise.
Happy thanksgiving to all of us who inhabit this beautiful blue planet, let's keep harvesting peace, love and more kindness
Janitze 🌹
Any images in this post are taken with my iPhone 12, the Infinix pro-note 30 or with the camera Rolleiflex 2.8 f, and edited with Canva
Separator made with Canva by @janitzearratia
Translation with |DeepL