I don't know who to blame. It's not entirely my fault nor the other employees' but I'm drifting with so much anger and frustration! If I could blame anyone then I might feel a bit okay. But who is to blame? Maybe my luck! But I'm a believer in my 'work'.
And now I feel stuck!!
Story Time
There was a system error on my server the other day.
If you forgot my workplace (there's no reason to remember though, so it's okay) then I have to say it again - I work in a retail clothing shop. So a system error means we are behind the clock and that also means that it will get late to go home and do the rest of the personal thing.
But that's not the major reason. I was frustrated because I couldn't figure out the problem and the help didn't arrive on the same day.
The New Year sale is over now. But there are still many customers and as a store manager, I must ensure the work goes on smoothly. But the server was not working and we couldn't do any manual process because of security reasons. So I had to say no to a few customers.
I was dying in frustration - this is the correct way to describe it. I called the service provider, they needed time to make it work; not until the next day. I had to call the store owner to make sure we didn't have to take the blame. Later, we did some manual work to get to go but it took time and we didn't get paid any overtime.
Buy as you guessed, I had to take responsibility although it's no one's fault.
I was feeling so much anger and rage. But this is what it is, I don't have anything to do. The people I work with rely on me and I have to accept the owner's unjustness. There was no other way.
Frustration and Self-doubt go hand in hand.
Did I say this out loud before? If not then this is the perfect event to let you know; that's exactly how I felt.
Frustration and anger; the mixture of these two emotions turned into self-doubt. Feeling worthless wouldn't properly clarify how I felt. Maybe you would call this silly and let it go.
The feeling of doubting my ability (although it's little), the feeling of failure, that I couldn't explain properly and didn't get any compensation but had to pay for it that was not my mistake either was eating me alive!
All these were drifting under my skin. I was stuck in my thoughts, if I couldn't process any other emotions correctly.
I know that there wouldn't be any grand revelation of hope and everything would work smoothly from now on. But I know this will happen again. So I was thinking about how to deal with this - anger, numbness, frustration; feeling stuck?
Here, people usually blame each other and try to get by with excuses, it's the culture. I don't know why I can't do that.
Probably it's better to learn good negotiating skills, have a grip on my feelings, and learn to have a better management skill.
Till then...
Your @peacefulsoul
