Last night I got a call from a shop owner nearby. We had been planning to do a show together at his shop and so I thought it was about that, but when I answered he said:
“Hey buddy, where are you?”
“I’m at home. Whats up?”
“You were supposed to go on 10 minutes ago….”
“HOLY SHIT! IT’S TODAY!?!?”
So i ran over, luckily it only took 10 minutes, we did a 2 minute sound check and I started playing my songs
I had written the date in my calendar from memory instead of looking at our message and got the wrong date like an idiot. At first I felt stupid, and if it were 5 years ago, I would have been very angry at myself, but I forgave myself quickly because modern city life requires me to stretch myself thinner than I would like and I know this is how I react to being swamped with too many events and things to do.
A friend came to visit last week and wanted to spend way more time together than I had anticipated. It was nice but my schedule was already at the maximum comfort level and meeting her 3 days in a row really threw me out of my rhythm. It has been 5 years since we last met so I didn’t want to decline.
Of course I am not trying to shirk from responsibility but i don’t believe in having such strict expectations from people. We all make a lot of effort to try and fit into the world and please others or abide by some kind of standards. Thats a good thing but I want to forgive others and myself for fucking up as much as I can.
So my only thought was, how can I make it up to everyone? No guilt. No shame. Just a bit distracted by the conditions i was playing under. Very rushed. And yes, it was all my fault. But what’s done is done.
For the first song I was stuck in my head. There were only 7 people there and I felt that was mostly my fault because of the three performers who lives in town and I got the date wrong so no one came for me except a single friend.
I tried to put it behind me and just resolve to talk to the owner later about organizing another event there and putting much more effort into bringing customers to his shop (which isn’t doing great under this economy).
It may sound strange and a bit horrible, but the whole situation of forgetting about my show made me feel…like a real artist 🤣 I hadn’t prepared at all. Still, I didn’t have any insecurities about my playing on stage. If I mess up, I mess up, it is what it is. My primary concern was just getting completey lost in my own songs and so I did.
I imagined myself a few years ago. I would have apolgoized profusely. More importantly, i would have felt aweful on stage, wanting to hide in a cave. But i didn’t feel aweful at all. I wish i had prepares some new songs in time for the show but I had the songs I had and I just wanted to see what happens.
This attitude of having shows to “see what happens”. This feels like my idea of a true artist. By that I mean, I have become the artist that I always wanted to be. I have some certain things that I want to express but I don’t force any of them. I make love to the moment and the result is either magic or a learning experience, a chance to improve.
This is true artistry to me! Yes you can hone your craft, but the real art comes from being in the moment and being able to chizzle at it to create something more beautiful. It’s not just about the songs or the colors or the marerial you use to create your work. The songs and paintings are just tools to elicit certain emotions.
Two weeks ago when I played at the chai shop for the managers farewell party, his wife told me afterwards that he was crying throughout my set. My music had reached deep into his soul, I suppose.
Some people would assume this is all about the quality of the songwriting and technical ability. Maybe an artist would assume it’s about MY emotions and how ai express them. But for me every single element is important and how you work with each element is important. This is how art becomes truly impactful!
I’m merely a beginner in this regard but I am still very aware of all the elements involved. Origianlly I was thinking of focusing on my happier and more hopeful songs because the audience was a bit more “pop” than what I am used to. Some audiences prefer experimental music. But i realized this was an emotional day and there would be crying, a chance for emotional release, and so I went extra hard with my darker, more challenging songs.
It turned out to be the right choice.
Yesterday on the other hand I intentionally made myself a little small. I had fucked up pretty bad starting 25 minutes late and the whole audience was there not for me but for the other performers. While originally we were all seen as equal performers with no headliner or opening acts, just a first second and third act, I decided to turn myself into the opening act, to warm people up for the performers they had come to see.
Of course I played my songs as well as I could, but I talked as little as possible and didn’t use any of my tools to make a bigger impact. Sometimes if you do anything too out of the ordinary, you can risk stealing the spotlight, and while many people see this as a good thing, I think a better show is one where you all move up together.
A performance is not a zero sum game.
For a show where I am playing last or where half the audience is there to see me, I may do somethinng a bit out of the ordinary, according to my mood. I could lay on the floor while playing or talk to the audience in the middle of the song or turn a 2 minutes song into a 15 minute epic that can only work if I prep the audience a bit by getting then out of their shell.
So I willingly took on a support role, and I think the night benefited from it. Everyone was really pleased by my performance so I got off scott free for my earlier mistake and made a good impression while also bringing up the other artists and the boss who were probably a bit annoyed with me when I arrived.
Having a smaller impact this time will allow me to have a much bigger impact next time. Everything in it’s right time.
Always seeking the win/win’s 😃 but more specifically, aiming to create a good atmopshere that brings everyone up together.
I’ve also noticed people responding much differently to my work, whether it’s my writing, my music, my podcasts or my lessons. Everyone seems to understand me a lot better than before, and resonate with what I am sharing….
But thats a story for another day!
If you are interested in blogging here and earning some change while sharing ideas and making friends, send me a message on Instagram or Twitter (@ ipluseverything)
ブログで自分の思っていることをシェアしながら小銭を溜まったり新しい友達をできたりすることは興味あれば、InstagramやTwitter（@ipluseverything）でメッセージを送ってください。 英語のオンラインレッスンの興味ある人もどうぞ、メッセージをください^_^
Novels/music/merch/social media/patreon:
https://linktr.ee/selfhelp4trolls
Untangled Knots podcast:
Japanese Upbringing Explained (interview my Japanese student)
Confessions of the Damaged 1.1-1.3 on Amazon
