Hi everyone, I bring you greetings from this side of the world.
Yesterday, I came across something really interesting I would like to share with us and I know for sure that it is going to help us in building a formidable relationship with our partners.
I was going through my bible in John 15 yesterday and I saw two words that really had something on me and that is the word Husbandman and Vine. There's a current school of thought that says "first do unto others what you wish them to do unto you" and they call it the universal law.
I will sound quite controversial here because of what I want to address in this post.
Who is the Husbandman?
A Husbandman is simply a person who cultivates the land; a farmer. Now that brings us to a very crucial fact about relationships that relationship is a responsibility or simply a work. The original role of the husbandman from time was to dress a plot of land and keep it which is what we now term cultivation.
The responsibility of a man in a relationship is to make sure that he pays kin attention to taking off every character, habit, attitude, and activity that doesn't support the growth of his vine.
There's a problem we seldom have in relationships and that's the problem that is associated with less concern. Whatever result or productivity your vine(woman) has is in direct proportion to the level of pruning the husbandman does to his vine.
Some days ago, I realized that love alone doesn't sustain a relationship. If she is not productive, then you are not a good husbandman. Every vine has her own vinedresser.
Constant pruning increases productivity. When you ignore your vine, you disdain her productivity.
Nobody is totally perfect meaning that it is our responsibility to always be on the lookout for every aspect of our partner's life that is not bearing fruit and lift it up in order that productivity in that aspect would be visible.
There is one very important instrument we always forget to use every time we expect a whole new level of results from our partners and that's words. I realized that no one gets better when he/she is being forced. Personally, if you want me to do something and you are using force on me, I'll naturally go blank on you.
When you use force on people, it simply means you're trying to hypnotize them but when you use kind words, you're appealing to them giving them profitable reasons why they should do what you say. Before you go about claiming that your vine is rigid to change, check what instrument you're using.
Understand your Vines Best Change Language
Don't give them the impression that they are less of you. Never let them feel you're trying to help them. Not everybody loves to be helped. Now even when you're offering a helping hand, try all way possible not to give them the impression that they are useless without you.
A wise man said “Left to itself a vine will produce a good deal of unproductive growth. For maximum fruitfulness extensive pruning is essential.” (Morris)
It is maximally necessary to keep a high level of verbal intimacy for the relationship to produce high-quality results. Well! I once attended a leadership training where one of the facilitators kept laying much emphasis on the fact that what we put in is what we get out of it. Garbage in garbage out.
“And if it is painful to bleed, it is worse to wither. Better be pruned to grow than cut up to burn.”
If you fail to make your partner see the reason why she should be pruned, you both will fail together, and often because of the makeup of men, (men are naturally allergic to failure) what happens next is that the man would think of ending the union which is, even more, a greater failure.
A relationship is a responsibility and the workload is on the man. It is the duty of the man to dress the garden and keep it in order that the vines would continue multiplying its fruits.
