Howdy friends, I hope you are all having a great day.
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I recently snagged a job at the local vape/tobacco store down the street and life seems like it's suddenly getting much better. I went from complete financial insecurity to easy, no-stress days at a job I love and I can finally pay the bills. I am only 23 years old and have not been present mentally due to substance use since I was 12, suddenly I was forced to play catch-up and become an adult ASAP.
The stress of the unknown is completely overwhelming. When you quit a job because life is not enjoyable anymore just from the thought of having to go back in to work at the awful job every day. I couldn't handle it, so I went off on a whim thinking I could find another one immediately. I thought to myself "everyone is hiring right?", it ended up taking me a little longer than planned, but luckily my mom helped me pay rent through the downtime.
Interestingly enough, my mom is going through the same situation. She couldn't take the job she had, quit the job and now she is struggling with the stress of it all, as well as the depression of stagnation. I have decided to take life by the horns and address every single thing that I did not like about my life, in an effort to make it worth living. I quit drugs and alcohol, moved into a sober living home, found a job, I'm addressing my health issues and taking care of my body again. It feels so insanely good to wake up in the morning, work 2 hours away, not worry about a thing, and know the shift will go smoothly no matter what. I personally have never experienced this feeling before.
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My cousin who was only 21 recently passed away from leukemia. He randomly started feeling incredibly ill and passed away a week later. It is crazy how unpredictable life can be. Wake up one morning, the next you are dead. I never saw him often, it's still incredibly sad though. I constantly have to remind myself how good I have it, as my depression often puts a blindfold on me, making it very difficult to change into a positive perspective. I am determined to learn how to wake up and be happy about life, enjoying it to its fullest for the rest of my life, I hope it doesn't take too long to build the habit.
I recently told my father I won't be calling him at all for the foreseeable future. He never has taken time to spend with me whatsoever for the past few years and won't even talk on the phone but 5 minutes twice a week. I don't want to struggle with the feelings of being unwanted anymore, so I will just cut out the unhealthy relationships.
My mom and I are closer than ever. I still wish I could live with her, but I guess it is time to move past that thought and try my best to quickly create a self-sufficient life and move out of this sober living home to a home I can call my own. Her struggling mentally is breaking my heart. I wished her a happy birthday last week but I could have done much more. Mother's day is coming up and I hope I can make things right. She hasn't complained but I want to show my appreciation for everything she has done lately. I love her to death, I wish we saw each other in person much more than we do currently, I guess she needs a break sometimes, I know I can get pretty crazy 😆.
Love you mom and Love you Louis(my dog). We are going to have a great relationship once we get over this learning curve. I have not been sober in 11 years, so communication is a tough one for me.
Thank you for reading everyone. If you enjoyed this post, vote, reblog and comment on this post, it means a lot. Love you all, thank you for the continued support.
