Some parts of our house, especially the walls, still have drawings by our eldest child, Ray, who has passed away. The paint in our house is faded and needs a fresh coat. I've painted half of the living room and one room, but most of the walls are still waiting since I don't have the budget for new paint yet.
Today, I took the chance to observe Ray's drawings on the walls. One of them is in the middle room, where Ray expressed his anger towards his cousin, Mei Mei. He labeled the room as belonging to Rex, Rez, Eiona, Olom, and Papa, basically banning Mei Mei from entering. Ray was upset with Mei Mei because she often teased him, but Ray took it to heart. In the drawing, Rex is holding a sword to fight Mei Mei, while Rez, who was just a baby back then, is drawn without any weapon.
Another drawing shows Rex holding a gun, ready to fight Mei Mei.
Then there’s a drawing near where we used to have a small table to keep our keys so they wouldn’t get lost.
In Ray’s room, there’s a drawing meant to welcome visitors to his space.
There’s also a spot labeled where Ray used to fold and keep his blanket. Before, his bed and mattress were here, and he wrote on the wall to mark where things should go.
He even labeled Rex’s bed and mattress area, also drawn by Ray. It’s funny to see how he felt the need to label everything.
At his study table, Ray drew a clock on the wall facing it.
Next to where he slept, there’s another drawing. I never got to ask him what it meant, but it looks like a bodyguard protecting him while he slept.
One of the largest drawings is of a "super sword," taking up most of a windowed wall. I think it represents the power of the swords in Ray’s imagination.
Outside his room, there’s a list of names of people allowed inside: Rex, Papa, Ray, and Rez. Mummy wasn’t allowed haha.
These are the graffiti-style drawings of Ray when he was just seven years old. I feel so reluctant to paint over these walls. But at some point, I might have to because the old paint looks really bad now. I’ll think about it, whether to paint over them or preserve them somehow. I miss Ray so much.
I don’t know, I just felt like posting like this today, not my usual post. But, I’ve been trying to keep myself busy to block out the sad thoughts that have been bothering me all day. But the more I try, the harder it gets. So instead of fighting it, I thought maybe looking at these drawings might bring some peace and comfort to my restless mind. Who knows? Because, the more I try to avoid thinking about Ray, the more deeply I end up thinking about him. Time has passed, years, and while it doesn’t heal everything, I confirmed it, it does make us stronger and more resilient in facing sadness like this. Anyway, thank you for your support. I wish you an amazing day.
