I got to the recovery house on 3/9/22 and the house turned out to be awesome! Everyone here is super cool, and the house manager is pretty layed back.Turns out my room mate was someone who I met in jail peviously when we were in quarantine(units that everyone stays in for 7-10 days usually to monitor for covid and other illness). He ended up leaving a few days ago, taking everything he owned and claiming he was going to his mom's house to do all his laundry. We have washer and dryer here already... Then he caught a lyft(taxi) to who knows where. He then sent this text the next morning
I woke up to that after staying up super late writing the 8 months in jail post. My mental state felt all fucked up, and I decided best thing to do would be hit a Narcotics Anonymous virtual meeting online. I ended up meeting a group of mostly 40-60 year old happy vetrans in the program with significant clean time, who welcomed me with open arms. They meet every weekday. I even got a number of a guy who I have been hitting meetings with everyday with people all over the world online. I realized I have to put recovery as my #1 priority and focus, or else I see myself slipping into old unhealthy habits.
My house manager had to lock my Gabapentin, and Suboxone in his safe. He gives me a week of doses at a time, to make sure the other people in the house don't snag them. I even got an ironic case for my Suboxone, money, cigarettes, and other nifty small stuff.
Since my room mate left, I switched my bed spot with his
Then I placed the shelf next to my bed and started using it as a desk because we have limited space in the house that is ours, and usable. The makeshift desk actually works pretty well.
Then I glued some paper to the intake vent so the house doesnt smell when I smoke inside
My mom called me randomly asking if I wanted this business card of a guy from Alcoholics Anonymous. I asked her what the name on the card was. It ended up being this guy Dustin, who did awesome speeches in rehab. I knew it was him because had has a weird last name that started with an o. I called him and explained who I was. I asked him if he could sponsor me, and bring me through the steps. He said yes!
Currently, I am working on my step 4 resentment with God. I need to handle the resentment, in hopes of helping me find God, then I can easily do the first 3 steps. We are going back to the first 3 steps after I work through this little side project. It's not a requirement to believe in God or a higher power, but my sponsor has many years on me, and he says (I also seen this myself) the majority of the successful people in NA and AA have a higher power or god. I will stay sober regardless of AA/NA because I have extremely strong determination this time, but I want the best chance at recovery, so I'm doing what has been proven to work, again and again. In a lot of the zoom rooms, almost everyone believes in God or a higher power that they found through AA/NA. So, I am doing some soul searching. I believe there is most likely something that created everything, but I am not at the point where I can "turn my will and my life over to God" which step 3 in Alcoholics Anonymous & Narcotics Anonymous entails.
Welp that's about it for now. I got a tub of dipping tobacco(put in between your lip and gums) and it tastes like rootbeer. I'm throwing in massive hunks of it, drinking a lot of coffee, and staying up late tonight writing.
