“I don’t give with the intention of taking anything in return.” These are the words of my father that he shared when we had a debate about his giving nature.
We were discussing how the people whom he gave and helped in the time of need betrayed and mistreated him. Instead of being grateful and humble the people belittled his efforts and neglected his being.
We wondered why he was still ready to give the same people with the same zealous compassion. Why the selfishness of people did not impact his response. It was then he made the aforementioned statement.
The response of other people did not impact his behaviour because the motivation behind his behaviour was never to gain anything from the recipients. He was altruistic because the behaviour aligned with his core principles and values. Getting nothing or even mistreatment in return made no difference on his further actions because his purpose and intentions were never to get external validation or rewards.
It was perhaps this reason I have always found my father a person having strong sense of fulfilment. Despite facing immense hardships, adversity and challenges in his life he was always contented and satisfied. Despite being betrayed and forsaken, he never lost his spirit of altruism.
He never regretted for what he did for others, no matter how ungratefully the people behaved in return. He exemplifies the positive effect of constructive and selfless intentions on altruism.
His altruistic character can be understood in terms of “inside-out" approach, explained by Steven Covey in his book “Seven habits of highly effective people.”
When our actions are derived by our internal character based on Character Ethics, they become a source of real happiness and joy. Our values provide us with stead fast motivation to behave in an alignment with our principles, ensuring that our actions are both meaningful and fulfilling.
On the other hand, if our actions are derived by the intention to get external validation or social approval, they become a source of stress and anxiety. Not only the stress of maintaining the facade is stressful but also any deprivation in the external reward causes demotivation and depression.
Besides, an action grounded on the thoughts of others' perception of it can never bring a sense of fulfilment and satisfaction. The focus on what others think deprive us of the positive emotions because everyone do not think the way we want them to think.
Moreover, such a behaviour fails to develop genuine connectedness and trust. The intentions do reveal themselves in further speech and actions impacting the original gesture.
I have come across people who do help others often, but their intention is to get the social approval and assistance in return. They keep on reminding people how they helped them and how they deserve to get the favour back. It creates a feeling of burden on the recipient. I prefer not to take any sort of help from such individuals.
When the motivation behind giving is external validation, it not only places a burden on the recipient but also leads to frustration for the giver if they do not receive the anticipated approval, appreciation, or reciprocation.
On the other hand, there are certain people in my life who have been genuinely helpful without any expectations of return. The level of respect, care and appreciation I hold for them are unmatched. I am eager to assist them whenever they are in a need.
In short, the intentions behind our giving behaviour matters a lot. Genuine and selfless altruism fosters authentic connections and yields profound satisfaction. While genuine and selfless altruism has positive impact on both the giver and the recipient, it holds more psychological and social benefits for the giver.
The post is in response to Hive Learner Featured Contest prompt week 126 edition 1.
Image created by me using Bing AI
