“Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happy is he who finds that true friend in HIS WIFE” - FRANZ SCHUBERT
Everyone loves the idea of getting married. Personally, it is my everyday dream. I sometimes wish that I could skip the present and just fast forward to being married to my beautiful woman, my cuddle-bug. Oh, the goosebumps I get just thinking about this makes me ecstatic, makes me feel like I've experienced a sweet marriage before, maybe in my former life. I guess I was so in love with my woman that I still can't let go of my former life memories.
Marriage is a beautiful thing or at least that is what the social media tells us. The beautiful smile on married couple’s faces on social media these days paints this picture of happily ever after in marriages. In fact, some people now see marriage as a safe haven where they can hurry into and get covered from the harsh realities of life itself.
I remember meeting a beautiful young lady named Peace who later became a close friend. She saw Marriage as an escape plan. In fact, she felt marriage was the end of struggles and an automatic ticket to snapping couples' pictures on a private beach showing sparkling white teeth, waking up to breakfast in bed, and living life without stress. I could only imagine what was running through her head at that point. In fact, she felt that all she needed was a man who is rich, and like our ladies say it - Tall, dark and handsome. Some years later, she got what she wanted to an extent but it came with a heavy price - her happiness and peace of mind.
What do you think went wrong? Is Marriage really a happily ever after?
I met this my beautiful friend recently, already married with 2 kids, yet unhappy and unfulfilled. Let me share her thoughts on her marriage and the untold truths about marriage.
- Happily ever after is a choice that takes deliberate effort from both parties: Just like the Holy Bible says that “Can two walk together except they agree”, Marriage is a walk done by two mature people in agreement with a vision of where they are heading to, plans on how-to and constant deliberate effort to make it work.
My beautiful friend never knew about this untold truth, no one told her when she walked down the aisle in her beautiful white gown on her wedding day in Paris. That Marriage was more than going on vacations and having good sex at will. It dawned on her months later when she saw the handwriting on the wall. Her husband had suddenly drifted and they were like strangers under the same roof. Nothing seemed to catch their fancy any longer and they couldn't just breathe the same air.
- Happily ever after requires falling in love with each other every day no matter what:
Just as Mignon McLaughlin said “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person”
It takes a deliberate effort to love a person always regardless of what happens in the long run. The truth is that your partner will age, lose that perfect body shape, and fine looks, especially during pregnancy periods, and have funny and cranky mood swings with reactions you can't just explain or fathom where it is all coming from. At this point, it's either you run for your dear life without looking back or you choose to love, correct in love and still love regardless.
My beautiful friend, Peace and her husband never understood this part. In fact, her husband loved her more because of her ‘figure 8 shape’. Pregnancy and childbirth came in and the well-shaped body became past tense. Her husband lost it and always body-shamed her because he couldn't understand where all the nice curves went. He blamed it on her eating his money too much which resulted in looking elsewhere for what he loved. Peace finally lost her peace.
- The untold truth is that any marriage not built on true friendship will crash. Both parties must enjoy each other's company so well and see beyond physical appearance.
“Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love and they can blossom when we love the ones we marry” - Tom Mullen
Till date, Peace is still in search of her happiness and I hope she does find her happily ever after, maybe in something else because she has lost all her hope in her marriage.
What do you think? Is there really an happily ever after?
What would you do if you were in Peace's shoes?