I usually feel for kids who have to grow up without one parent. Not necessarily because that parent is dead, or because they were abandoned and left to suffer, it could be because they were around, but never got the love and attention of that parent. Sometimes, an orphan could be better off than a child who had parents but never got their love, support and protection. The orphan already knows they are alone and already has a survival instinct kicking in, but the child with parents would run round a circle of disappointments and neglect with loads of emotional torture from those meant to protect them which 80% of the time results in a life lasting trauma because their first love (although alive) did not show them the meaning of love.
I experienced this from my dad who although was alive never showed me the true meaning of a father. Now that I’m much older I can’t fault him because I realized that was how he too was brought up and didn’t really know of a template to raise a child. As a man the only thing I learned from my father is all the ways one could suck at parenting. At the age of 17, I told myself I was going to be the father my own father wasn’t to me. He was more about money and he neglected his kids, and when he lost the money, he tried gaining his kids only to realize that he lost them as well (my sister and I). At last he is now trying to make it work with my younger siblings, but seems he might only be able to get two out of the three as the oldest among them is also nursing his own emotional wounds.
I have come to understand that it is the role of a mother to nurture the child and it is the role of the father to train them. While both parents love their child and train them, the way they can train a child can only be in one way as a single person can only do so much in striking the balance. A mothers love nurtures and cares, while a fathers love protects and assures. It took me a lot to have monster courage in certain areas of my life. I had to learn to become cunning by myself in school because I knew I lacked the courage to face my fears. When a child is scared, the mother embraces them and comforts them, the father however shows them there is nothing to be afraid of by holding their hands through whatever they face and rewarding them after they might have successfully faced the fear.
This is because even the mother gets scared and is often comforted by the father, but the father can show no fear and must teach his male child to never show fear while teaching the female child that he will always be there for the mother, and so would he always be there for her. The father shows the female child what love looks like, the mother might tell her, but the father shows her. If the female child grows up wanting to be in a relationship, she knows what to accept which would be nothing less than what her father gave her. This is one of the many reasons a child needs both parents actively in their life. No matter how strong one of the parents is, the absence of the other will always be there because a father figure and a mother figure are two important roles in a child’s life that teaches the child about life.
THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE LEARNER'S PROMPT FOR WEEK 153 EPISODE 1
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