When a Parent is Physically Present But Emotionally Missing

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Hello dear readers, and welcome once again to my blog.

Today we are going to talk about the topic of an absent parent.

And the truth is, this is a subject that touches my heart deeply because I have lived through this experience. Of course, I will share with you how difficult it has been for me to grow up and live with an absent parent.

My case is very particular, as since childhood, I have had both of my parents physically present in my life; they were not absent.

But what happened is that my father, due to his work and his authoritarian nature (stemming from being part of a lineage of people raised in the countryside—hardworking farmers with strict and unique customs), lived a very rigid lifestyle.

And if we add to that the fact that, over the years, he got a job at a military institution, surrounded by authority figures who imposed discipline on him, he decided to project those ideas and that way of being onto me.

He treated me as if I were a soldier, a subordinate.

This had two effects on me: on one hand, it left a positive impression because it made me resilient. It helped me overcome many challenges and tough moments in life.

But on the other hand, I missed having a loving father, one who would give me advice, someone to turn to when I needed help or guidance on matters specific to men.

For example, when I wanted to learn how to fix something in a car, change a tire, do carpentry work, or even something as simple as replacing a light bulb, he would tell me to figure it out on my own.

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He lacked the willingness to teach me.

My mother, in contrast, was present as much as she could be, offering me support both emotionally and in other areas of life, including matters related to girlfriends and relationships.

She was always there, and I always had the figure of my mother, whom I deeply adore, helping me and standing by my side.

Meanwhile, the father figure I needed—someone to give me advice, explain things, or share his perspective on life—was absent.

For instance, when I had the idea to start a small business, like setting up a food stall or offering lunch services to people, I went to my father to ask his opinion, whether he could provide financial support or where I might secure funding. Instead, he told me the project would fail, that I would do poorly, and that it was simply a waste of time. He refused to support what he called a "waste of time."

The difference was that my mother did advise me. From her perspective and with her ideas, she explained how I could run the business and supported me throughout.

In fact, I managed to sell several lunches and breakfasts, but I couldn’t continue due to a lack of financial resources.

At first, I sold around ten lunches.

Unfortunately, the cost of materials and ingredients was too high, and I couldn’t sustain the funding for the venture.

Perhaps if my father had been present and supported me financially, things would have been different. Maybe today I’d have my own restaurant chain or a thriving food business.

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And I want to clarify that I intended to repay the funding—it wasn’t meant to be free.

But even when I proposed the idea of him financing the project, he refused for the reasons I mentioned earlier: he deemed it a waste of time.

In conclusion, I want to emphasize how important it is for both parents to play their roles, to collaborate in some way, as this makes a significant difference in a person’s life.

I now feel deeply broken inside because I lacked the active presence of the father I needed in various aspects of my life.

I had to raise myself on the streets, relying on my own efforts and the knowledge and support my mother provided. But it wasn’t enough, even though she did her absolute best. It wasn’t enough because I always needed a father who was physically present but also emotionally available—one who was there for the things I truly needed.

So, I believe every parent has a role to play. They must be present and active to raise a well-adjusted, trauma-free individual—someone who can positively contribute to society without fears or resentments, like the ones I carry. Instead, I became someone spiritually broken inside.

And that’s not the goal.

These traumas are incredibly hard to overcome. Believe me, I’ve spent over 40 years trying to heal and still haven’t succeeded, because it hurts deeply to have lacked someone who would listen and guide me.

I’m certain that if things had been different, my life and choices would have been better. With that guidance, I would have approached things differently, and today I’d be in a better place.

So always keep that in mind to give your children a happy life.