The first time I saw Stockholm syndrome play out right in front of me, I was flabbergasted. It was in my undergraduate days. There was this stunningly gorgeous lady, Cynthia, who lived in the hostel next to ours. She was cohabiting with her boyfriend, Steve, himself a good looking dude from a wealthy family. They looked like a match made in heaven; the dream couple.
On one cool afternoon, Cynthia ran into our hostel for safety, her lips all bloodied and with a swollen face. A few seconds later, Chris ran into our compound, shouting at the top of his voice and demanding Cynthia to come out from wherever she was hiding or consider herself dead. We stood up to Chris and told him he had no right battering a lady like that and demanded he be gone.
To our uttermost shock, Cynthia resurfaced from where we hid her, told us it was all okay and followed Chris. 'Omo, I just open mouth dey watch drama o.' It was like nothing I have ever seen in my life. The next day, Cynthia came back to our hostel to clarify issues and told us her boyfriend assaulted her because the food she cooked was too salty. She said the guy has no fault and she was the one who wronged her. I couldn't believe it as she tried her best to blame herself for getting beat that badly.
Look, I always tell people around me one thing: if one is placed in the same room with the devil, after some time one will become apologetic to the devil. The devil is painted as evil, right? Spend some time with the guy and you'll start noticing that he can be caring and loving. And before you know it, you are defending him and telling the whole world he's not that bad even when he clearly hurts you. That's Stockholm syndrome.
There are several reasons why people choose to remain in toxic relationships and it is relative. The first time I thought about polygamous relationships around here I couldn't fathom how two or more women will become rivals and enemies, even indoctrinating their kids into the act all in a bid to satisfy one man. When I was younger I would say, "Why can't one of these women quit this contraption called polygamy?" "Do they love being maltreated this way?"
As I grow older I began to see the reasons why some of them decide to take the torture and pain. Some of these women are not financial stable enough to cater for themselves and their kids if they chose to leave. Here, laws about child support isn't as grounded as it is in the Western world. So if they quit and take their kids along, the kids will suffer. If they quit and leave the kids with the husband, the other wife(s) will maltreat them. That's why most women in polygamous homes will call their kids their 'husband'. They are enduring the pain of polygamy so as to raise their kids and give them some semblance of stability.
Another thing that makes people stick around in toxic relationships is low self esteem. A lady friend of mine, a single mom, once stuck to a guy who was clearly maltreating her. The guy manipulated her and made her believe she was lucky to have him. He'd be like, "Who wants to date a single mom like you?" That got to her and she couldn't move on from this manipulative dude for a while. Her low self esteem got the better of her.
In conclusion, getting out of toxic relationships is easier said than done. For it to be called a relationship, it means a copious amount of effort, money, time, and, most importantly, emotion has been invested. The hope that things can still get better, the fear of being alone and what people will say continues to keep people in toxic relationships. Polygamous family in these climes continues to be a prime example of that.
