If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from dealing with people, it’s that toxicity doesn’t show on their faces. It’s not written on this or that persons forehead that they’re toxic , abusive , unhealthy or whatever. But, as you get into contact with them day in day out, you start to get hints of these traits until they unleash it all on you. Every toxic or abusive relationship started from somewhere but for its end, we never know.
Most people are probably in toxic relationships and don’t even have a fair idea. Toxicity or unhealthy relationships come in so many forms. You don’t wait for someone to hit you before you know to stay away from them. Even someone talking down on you is toxic and you should run as fast as your legs can carry you. But what do we see in most cases, these victims don’t want to leave. Sometimes it’s not that they do not know that relationship is toxic, they do. But everyone has his reason for staying.
Let’s take a family type of toxic relationship for instance. Finding your self in a toxic family is a whole new ball game all together. You don’t just get to wake up one day and say this isn’t your family anymore or start to avoid them. You can’t throw your parents or siblings away. You either work things with them or get help as an individual or a family. From my observations, most people coming from such families find it to be normal having toxic relationships outside of the family. Mostly, it takes a lot of time and help before they even come to the realisation that they’ve been in or with a toxic family the whole time. Sometimes, they even end becoming the toxic ones.
Now, imagine someone from a toxic or unhealthy family finding himself with a toxic partner or friends. They wouldn’t want to leave because they either probably wouldn’t even know this is toxic for them or they just decide to stay and wait for a miracle to happen because, what haven’t they seen before. But is this the way to go? No! Taking such thing’s lightly isn’t anything I’d advise anyone to do. I’ve found myself in toxic relationships with friends and partners and even sometimes my own family and I never even thought to take a step back. It was more like I had formed this kind of trauma bond with these people. I was constantly hurting but did I leave ? No! Did it harm me? Yes.
I’d say it took a lot to get me to finally decide to stop being the victim for once in my life. I knew these people were toxic and I was gradually almost becoming like them since I was always acting like these people around others. This had me ruining my relationships with others and I on the other hand thought the other party was the problem when it was me. When I finally decided to get help and also stop hanging out and associating with such people , I started to see changes. In a way, I would say it was too late. But it’s never too late , really.
I had to start all overall again, picking up bits and pieces of me that was left behind. It was tough , and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. But I’d say, starting over was what I needed to actually change my life. It was more like the turnover I had been waiting for in my life. So, if you’re still holding on to toxic people for the fear of being alone or left out, I urge you to take the step cos it’s totally worth it. It’s best to walk alone than walk with people who will constantly keep pulling you back. On this note, do have a nice and positive day!
all images belong to me.
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