Mama's Side Eye

A family member had just passed on. She was quite old, but her passing shook a lot of us, and then we made our way to her funeral. We had to be there a day before, though, but we couldn't be with our actual family that night, and so the nuclear family of the deceased arranged for us to stay at their friend's. What that friend reported back about us was, "Those children are very well trained and respectful." Yet it was not a surprise to my mother to receive such a comment about her sons.

My mother is a disciplinarian, yet she is very loving, selfless, and accommodating. If you have a problem getting along with her, then perhaps you're actually not doing something right by her, and she'd never tolerate that. And she didn't take our upbringing lightly.

You know that look your mother gives you - that side eye that comes with no words but a lot of meaning, powerful ones. Yeah, that's what I would get in places where she could not unleash cane or abara (slap on the back in Yoruba).

It wasn't all about reprimands, though. My mom taught my brother and me values and the importance of respecting elders. From greetings to showing respectful gestures and being helpful, she brought us up with the mindset to show respect to people who are our superiors or older than us.

So even though I am usually reserved, or perhaps even stoic sometimes, it really goes against my DNA to be disrespectful to elders. I cannot stomach the sight of disrespect towards elders either. I'd mind my business seeing someone disrespect their parents or people older than them, but I know for sure that it couldn't be me.

I will be old and grey one day. I surely wouldn't be happy with someone who could conveniently be my grandson and disrespect me.

There can be some obnoxious elderly people, though. People could get on your nerves or even disrespect you as a person, as respect should be mutual. Yet, it could never cause me to be hostile and disrespectful in return to them. At the end of the day, it wouldn't be seen for what it really is.

When it comes to respect, though, Yoruba people have a rather deeper approach to it. You see, your demeanour must spell out that you're respectful, especially to elders.

As a Yoruba man, it would be so wrong to not bow to elders. In some cases, you'd have to prostrate to greet, like your father or grandparents. I mean, it only applies to Yoruba people, of course, as such is expected of them and not people from other tribes. Being aware of this, I am never lacking. It may seem really weird or trivial to other tribes, but you know what they say: "When you're in Rome..." And I am even from Rome in this case.

There are certain morals I live by, and one of them is being respectful, especially to elderly people. I'd beat myself over and over for it because I have been taught better and it represents my upbringing. Life's much better when you're not making enemies, you know.