I have asked my mother a few times what it's like to be a parent, and I always get the same response. And it is, "You generally learn on the job." When I think about how it isn't always so easy dealing with people, I wonder how having to be responsible over the upbringing of another human can be. I hear it takes a whole new level of wisdom and patience to get it right.
Something that my mom often heard when she left us to stay with other people—say, for the holidays—is that she really tried over us. When you look deeper, you find out that it was the little things.
The kind man got up really early to wash his car for the day. Perhaps my brother and I were already up, but our mom hinted at us to go help out. Cheerfully, we joined him outside and took the brush and cloth to do the job for him. He was surprised by that, but more so that we were joyfully doing it and even having fun while at it. I mean, we were pretty much used to being helpful wherever we went.
He was a family friend of a relative and took us in for the night. His family was so kind to us, so the least we could do was to show gratitude with our attitude. Not only did my brother and I clean up his car for him, but we also did other chores in the house and even asked the wife, "How may we be of assistance, ma?"
To us, it was a normal thing. We had been brought up that way. Whether or not we had our mom around, we were still always good boys. Not only were taught to trained at home, but also how to be receptive to good upbringing. I don't know how mom did it, but deserves some accolades. Not that we're perfect, but it is uncommon for her to hear unsettling reports about her boys.
Okay. Some of the teachings came with some slippers, canes, and whatnot. My mom was pretty strict growing up as a child. Like many African kids, I planned my escape a billion times. Now that she's all soft and sweet with my nephews and nieces, I just look at her with a bombastic side eye.
Look at things a little broader. I could have been wayward and chosen a different path from what I was being taught at home. It happens every now and then with different families and children. You would meet parents of kids with really bad characters and wonder if they are even family or related at all.
Parents could really try hard to bring up their kids well to no avail, but could they have also contributed to the kids not being receptive to their trainings? It's hard to say. But then, parents can't always be with their kids all of the time. When they turn teenagers, it is another level. In the end, the children would have to decide for themselves if they want to adhere to the teachings in their upbringing.
If we flip the coin, what about the children that have really not-so-great people as parents. I think that's a pretty rough way to start in life—being brought up by the worst kinds of people as parents, the ones that rather than not teach anything [if not good], impact them negatively. In the end, however, everyone is ultimately responsible for what they turn out to be.
All images are mine
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