Few years ago, I had reconnected with a high-school friend of mine who I had lost her contact a while back. We had reconnected and somewhere along the line, while we were chatting, she had told me that her mom passed away years ago, even before high-school.
It was a surprising news to me because that was the first time I was hearing about (as far as I can remember) but then it's been ages so I thought to myself that she probably was over the pain by now, I was wrong.
When life dealt me the same thing, I remember telling her that with time, I would get over it, and she had immediately told me that wasn't going to happen, that I will forever feel this pain and will just have to loom for a way to live with it. That was the moment I realized that the popular saying "time heals all wound" was nothing but a lie.
Time could heal some wounds, a heartbreak, a financial lost, a divorce and so many other things, but there are some things that no matter what you do, no matter how you do it, as long as you have that memory in your mind, you will forever feel hurt when you think about it.
And sadly this has become my reality. Somedays I try to shake off the thoughts and even quickly go outside to go be with my friends, to distract myself and get my mind off it. But there are some nights when it's past 3am, and there are no friends outside to help me, no one but just I and my thoughts.
Those nights can be brutal. The nights where I cry myself to sleep for something that happened years ago. And everytime I remember that conversation I had with that friend of mine, I wish I never did. Because then I would have had some form of hope that time would heal this pain that I feel, but now that I know that it just might never go away, it hurts even more.
I guess at the end of the day, I just have to do what everyone does, find a way to live with the pain and make it a part of me. That way, it probably wouldn't hurt the way it does now.
So yeah, always have it at the back of your mind people, that there are certain things that will never go away. And it doesn't always have to be the death of a love one, it can be anything, it all depends on how important that thing is to you.