Myself
Never did I imagine I will see myself in a helpless situation, I just hate that feeling with everything in me, is even more frustrating when making effort and it seems is not yielding to request.
I am a type of person who hate to depend on someone especially in regard of financial issues I love to take responsibility in providing for my own needs, I don't like asking for money I prefer to work hard and provide for myself in terms of my materials needs. Even in relationships before I got married I hate asking of things, I dislike the feeling of people demanding for much just for doing little things for me. That feeling of dependence is a no
no thing for me. But getting married I know I needed to adjust and allow my husband exercise his authority in taking responsibility in making provision.
I love the feeling of spending my own money is indescribable, to me is like having a purpose... a time comes in one's life when you feel like taking care of your loved ones in making provision but when you fail to meet up with those needs, you feel as if you are not good enough...is one of the worst feeling ever! Helplessness can ruin one personality.
Some make hasty decisions which can change their perspective about life. Helplessness had made many become who they never want to be such as robbers, prostitution, hookups, cheating, thugs, scammers and Many more while some had to change their lifestyle due to helplessness, it has affected many people in terms of depression and low self-esteem.
How helplessness affected me
Before marriage after I finished polytechnic my one year I.T (industrial training) I wanted work so bad, my intention is to help my mom and my younger ones at least train them in school and in making provision for our daily needs. My priority was to relocate my mom and siblings to another peaceful state due to insecurity in the northern area where we base and to also save up some money to support myself in the university after my industry training I.T
i went to different banks i never been in order to summit my C.V (curriculum vitae) I applied in primary schools and went for different interviews I was determined and optimistic that something good will come out from it but to no avail, luckily for me I got accepted as a primary tutor in a school but far from home in another state I have no one there and the accommodation is on me, with the excessive killings in the north by robbers and herdsmen I needed to tread with caution and the salary was poor too. I know I needed something doing badly but not at the detriment of my life so I rejected the offer. Fortunately for me there was a new opened eatery close to my house so I went for the interview got accepted even though the salary was little 7k I had to go for it, is better than staying idle... Little for me I was contributing to my family needs. The little money I got to save was duped I was helpless
Even after I did those works like being a salesgirl, icecream seller, waitress, beans pudding seller, full scalp paper seller, chin-chin (snacks)seller, carving of eye brows and makeups, marketing and some online business were I got duped in all this I couldn't fullfil my desired dream in helping my mom and siblings. instead of helping out I became the one being helped, I felt as if the whole world was against me in order to frustrate my effort I became so helpless, tired, frustrated and depressed on what to do. I hated myself for seeing myself in that situation couldn't sleep but cry.
I overcame by telling myself LOVETH never give up, keep fighting someday it will become a history, and finally is paying off little by little.
Thanks for reading me.
