Image by StockSnap from Pixabay
“See, this is how you know for sure that the world is in the grip of madness – all this stuff about strawberries in baked beans and blueberries in mac and cheese and raisins in collard greens is real, and I've found the videos – and yes, Vertran, this is a video emergency!”
Eleven-year-old Velma Trent had heard from her baby sister Gracie Trent about the above mentioned food and then heard from her big sister Vanna that “she must have been watching KevOnStage over my shoulder again.”
So Velma went and looked, and sure enough …
“And there's worse – people are out here frying sausage and making popcorn in the sausage grease – and these videos are older than Covid, so there's no excuse!”
“I'm good – teach me how to cook,” nine-year-old Milton said to his grandmother Velma Stepforth. “If you and Pop-Pop didn't make it, Mom and Dad didn't make it, Melvin and Vanna didn't make it, Uncle Major and Aunt Gloria didn't make it, the Ludlows didn't make it, or the Duboises, Gonzalezes, or Miyamotos didn't make it, I don't want it, and I'm not going to live here forever, so, yeah, I gotta learn how to cook, like, now.”
“Yeah, it's worse out here than we thought,” nine-year-old Vertran Stepforth said as he used his contacts. “And we thought Tom was a whole problem when he tried to deep fry a whole frozen turkey.”
“Hey!” Vertran's 16-year-old big brother Tom Stepforth said.
“But look, Tom,” Vertran said. “All you did was make a kitchen mistake – you're not out here thinking the colander fits the toilet so let me just rinse my spaghetti there real quick. You're not blowing up the plumbing and the intestines at the same time.”
“We gotta protect Robert, because we know how he loves to eat!” seven-year-old Amanda Ludlow said about her five-year-old baby brother. “He's too young to know better – we gotta keep him and feed him here!”
“Yeah, but Rob actually has taste, and he can cook a bit,” eleven-year-old Eleanor Ludlow said. “Remember when Grandma was doing that essay series? Robert worked with Papa and actually helped make some good burgers and meatloaf, and he hangs out with Grandma and now Cousin Maggie in the kitchen at least three times a week, so he is learning about good food from good sources.”
“I just thought he wanted to get ahead of the rest of us on getting to the food,” nine-year-old George Ludlow said, “and as hot as that kitchen gets in the summer, I always thought that if he was going to work that hard, he was welcome to it!”
“Actually, that might just be it,” ten-year-old Andrew Ludlow said. “I know Rob wants to grow up now and be the general of food, but maybe he's really called to be a food quality inspector, because you would never be able to waste some blueberries in some mac and cheese in front of him!”
“Ain't it the truth,” Gracie said. “He'd be on his 'It's not fair and I'm not going for it' in a hot second, with all the Robert Edward Ludlowness vested in him.”
“Look, I will break bad on them before they even get the blueberries out of the garden!” eight-year-old Edwina Ludlow said.
“And I will build you a tank,” six-year-old Grayson Ludlow said as he rolled a whole wagon of Legos up to her for the purpose.
Meanwhile, in the Ludlow kitchen, Cousin Maggie and Lil' Robert Ludlow were working on lunch.
“You're doing really well in putting the tomato slices on top of the mozzarella slices, Robert,” the big cousin purred to the little one.
“Well, see, I love to eat, but I also love for other people to eat, so, I wanna help,” Lil' Robert said. “Did they tell you about the meatloaf I made with Papa?”
“They did, and I heard it was real good,” Cousin Maggie said.
“It was, because, see, I always gotta do my best,” he said. “See, Papa is a veteran, and a hero, and I have the same name and we're really twins but stuff happens at hospitals.”
“It sure does,” Cousin Maggie said. “That's like 53 years of stuff separating you from your twin there.”
“But see, if you eat right, you don't go to the hospital as much, because, see, I learned from Grandma that good food keeps you healthy, so, stuff doesn't happen as much!”
“That's true, Rob. It's why we eat a lot of veggies and fruits, too.”
“I like all of it, and I like everyone getting enough, so, this is fun,” Lil' Robert said, “especially since tomatoes are red and, see, red is the best color!”
“I thought you would like this part,” Cousin Maggie said, with a smile.