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“I tried to warn you, Pop-Pop,” 21-year-old Melvin Trent said as his 66-year-old grandfather, Thomas Stepforth Sr., sat holding his middle because of sore ribs from laughing. “The Gracie Trent Experience can hit you any time, anywhere!”
It had all started with eight-year-old Gracie Trent, Melvin's baby sister, noticing that ten-year-old Andrew Ludlow next door was in a bit of distress.
“What's happening, Andy?” Gracie said, and Andrew had come across to the Trent porch with his homework. Even in the summer, the Trent and Ludlow children had certain assignments, and since Andrew was reading on a high-school level, he still had high school vocabulary to manage.
“I just realized something that your family probably already knew because of the real history of the country,” he said. “I don't think the people who make the rules like other people very much, because they make things confusing on purpose.”
“In vocabulary?” Gracie said.
“See, when you start getting close to reading on an adult level you start noticing stuff,” he said. “So, I've got a sentence to complete here that says to explain 'Remunerate properly,' but then there's another prompt on this same page further down because of alphabetical order that says, 'Renumerate promptly,' and to explain that. So anybody whose little brother isn't studying for the Lofton County Spelling Bee and so has dictionaries down low has no chance. You have one that means 'pay,' and the other means 'recount' or 're-list,' and you just have to switch the M for the N in front of the U, and you have a whole problem.”
“They didn't bother to just say pay or recount,” Gracie said. “Adults make no sense.”
“I'm just beginning to really realize,” Andrew said. “Our adults love us so much, but, when we're grown and away from here, it's going to be a different world.”
“Yeah, it is, but that's a blessing in disguise, though, because that vocab just put you up on eight years of game,” Gracie said.
“Really?”
“See, my cousin Tom is working on a story about people in Lofton County paying folks under the table, and the type of people that would do that probably would pay late and drop a few dollars that you don't see so they can pick them up and take them back when you leave. So have them pay you on time and recount quick to make sure they did it right! They may be switching the M and the N to remind you not to get caught up on the old switcheroo!”
Andrew lit up as Mr. Stepforth, listening to this, began his journey to sore ribs.
“You know, you're right, Gracie – you can look at the words and remember! Maybe people are better than I thought!”
“Nah,” Gracie said, “but God loves us and lets us know the stuff we need to know, because Tom doesn't know how loud he is, so I get to eavesdrop on all the best information, and then Melvin and Vanna watch all these great movies and forget every shut eye ain't sleep. Let me get you some water Pop-Pop blessed over lunch so it's holy to take to your sister Edwina – we're trying not to have to do The Exorcist around here, so we gotta stay on the ball with her so she stops with all this breaking bad stuff.”
“Right – gotta stay on the ball, because Papa will be back from therapy in eight days and we all gotta stay focused and keep moving forward,” Andrew said.
“Yeah, and I'll be out of physical therapy in about that time, too!” Mr. Stepforth said when at last he recovered from this conversation and the pain in his ribs from laughing began to subside.
“Like Grandma says, I've been telling y'all!” Melvin said. “Y'all just think she's just this cute baby girl but she can take you out! When Gracie takes you left, your whole brain is going to be doing that thing in The Exorcist and everybody's mental neck ain't ready for all that!”
“Why are you trying to kill your grandfather?” Mrs. Velma Stepforth said as her husband fell over laughing again.
“Me?” Melvin said. “I'm serious – you just walked in on the back half of the Gracie Trent Experience!”
“Oh – never mind – my bad, as y'all say,” Mrs. Stepforth said. “I got your rub when you're ready, Tom, or are you going to need it so you can get up off the floor?”
