My eyes widen as my hands touch the powdery stuff in his bag. “Could he be...?” My voice is trapped in my throat as I pull my hands back. Tears well up in my eyes, and my throat goes instantly dry. I want to scream his name and hit him so hard, but I can't find my voice.
“Don't judge yet, Trish,” I mutter and take the substance to my nose, mistakenly inhaling a good amount of it. I choke. And the next thing I see, bizarrely, is him standing at the threshold. “Why?” I’m a mess, and then all I see is darkness.
He's holding my hands and circling his index finger in my palm when I peel my eyes open. The familiar smell and color palette of the room informed me where I was. “Let go,” my voice comes out as a croak, but he hears me. Hot tears stream down my cheeks as Neil drops down on his knees beside the bed. He's got eye bags, and his hair is a mess.
“How long have I been out?” I ask, furrowing my brows as I look into his hazel eyes. He raises five fingers, and I shake my head. “Why?”
“I’m sorry, babe,” he mutters, reaching for my hand, but I pull it back. “Why, Neil?”
“We needed enough money for your mom’s chemo, babe, and I had to do something,” he says, his hazel eyes shining with sincerity. “I couldn't watch you take more than two jobs while nursing our girl, I had to do something. The deal ends tomorrow after I deliver the last package. I’m sorry.” He whispers the last words, completely breaking me.
“How long?”
“It’s been two weeks now,” his eyes are pleading, but I feel betrayed. He shouldn't have done it, no matter what. He knows the implications of these things. I bury my face in my palms and sob but brace up when the door creaks open.
Neil immediately springs to his feet, but his eyes don't leave my face. He knows I'm disappointed, and he's probably thinking of ways to fix the trust he's broken.
“Hey! You okay?” the nurse asks, bending over to examine my face.
“Mhmm,” I nod. Her gaze shifts between Neil and me.
“A little family issue. I'll be fine,” I say to distract her from thinking more than she was supposed to think.
Neil was a good man. My hero. The kind of man I'd chose in my next life. But, I was broken he'd fed my suspicion. He didn't only feed it but made it land me in a hospital. Also, no matter how mad I was at him, I was definitely taking what I saw to the grave. He did it for me. For my mom, but there'd have been other means. The thought of it brings tears to my eyes again, and I bat them away, turning my attention to the nurse who was prescribing some medicine for me.
“You’ll be discharged anytime soon,” she says with a smile. Her smile warms my heavy heart as I watch her walk out the door, looking good in her blue scrubs. A little smile appears on the corners of my lips, but when the door closes and she's out of sight, I remember all of it, and the tears return.
“You’re no longer my hero,” I say, giving him a piercing stare. His shoulders drop as he holds my gaze, fighting back tears that were forming in his eyes. It's going to take a while to forget, but I let him hold my hands when he reaches for them again. I love him, but he's no longer my hero.