Today I am having a rough and bad day. I started feeling sick after leaving my bed and at some point, I figured that it is bad flu. This is the first time I am feeling sick physically after fleeing from the war. I took medicine and took some rest but later I realized that today is not going to be my day. I have been working 5-6 days a week and today was a day off. I had prepared some plans for today but I have to spend my day in the room. I was not in the mood to do anything.
Anyway, people are saying that today is International refugee day and I have got some wishes from the people. Interesting isn't it, I never thought I would be celebrating this day. I didn't even know that this type of day exists on the calendar.
I was crying in the middle of the day thinking about what kind of miserable life I am having now. Ya, you can say that you should be grateful that you are safe and now you are doing a job also. I understand that and I am also grateful for everything. But my grief of losing my house, the guilt of not listening to my dad, and anger because of what is happening made me emotional. For the past 6 years, I have been saving money to buy a house. And finally, I had managed to buy a summer house in one of the villages in Kharkiv, but it is gone. What a piece of luck or I can say how lucky I am. This grief every day just eating me inside and I just can't let it go. It's not easy for me to do anything, I don't have any relatives or anyone close in Ukraine who can give me an update on my village home. This is the saddest part, I don't know what happened to my small summer house and all I know is the village is now occupied by Russia because the village is close to the border of Russia.
I used to live in an apartment located in Kharkiv city where I left all of my belongings. Every day now I started feeling the necessity of my belongings. For example, I was looking for medicines for my shoulder pain and I have left those at the home in Kharkiv. I was looking for my flash drive and diary because most of my passwords were there and I had left them too at the home. These small things started annoying me. As a result, I do panic, I become restless and angry...
I don't know why I am feeling this or what is happening to me but I can't forget easily whatever happened... This question will always bother me; Why Me!!
I never wanted such life for myself but I am forced to live life as a refugee. It's painful and it hurts. I don't have a home, I don't have anything. This reality is very hard to accept no matter how strong a person I am or positive I am.
I can't write anything anymore, when I will feel good and will have some time, I will write something good and inspiring...
Love
Priyan...
I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thought easily...
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