Re-introduction
It has taken me quite some time to feel confident enough to write this post. I've opened up about about who I am a while ago, without mentioning my old account name directly because I still want to ban out the person that made me leave in the first place. I will refrain from mentioning my old account's name, and I ask you politely to not bring it up either.
If you have been part of the familyprotection community on the other platform, you've probably read plenty of my contributions as I wrote there daily. I see familiar names in the feed anyway! Just recognize my story, and leave my old account name in the middle. Thank you! <3
Drastic measures
Leaving my old account was quite the drastic decision as I had a high reputation and worked hard to get there. But I also learned that the best way to not give psycho people a platform if they have they made you their target is to completely shut them out and make it impossible for them to contact me. I know this may sound very drastic for most people, but for a person that has left everything behind in another country to start over once, this was a much easier step to take.
Been there, done that
My motto was: I've lost everything once before, I've overcome that and build back up a life. I can do the same with my Hive account and reputation. I'm still the same person and have the same skills so I'm going to prove to myself that I can do this. And so I did.
Here I am, with a higher reputation than before (although that doesn't say much more than higher rep accounts voting me), I've made even more connections than I did on my old account, and guess what? By starting fresh, I let myself explore the platform walking in newbies shoes and discovered more awesome communities to be part of.
It wasn't all negative though!
In a way you could say that it has brought me good things. I left all online social stuff for several months. Deleted my discord, and only 3 people knew that I was gone for a while, I stayed in touch with them. Once I felt I was disconnected enough, I created a new account (this one) and started over. I did change my info in the intro a bit as I wasn't sure about who was reading carefully, so that meant when I came clean to Lind (@canadian-coconut), she didn't believe me, lol. I still remember how she made me leave a comment or vote with my old account to prove it to her.
Familyprotection & Linda in special
Soon became very important to me. This community made the difference in my life that I needed so desperately. Let me elaborate on this, when I found the other platform, someone pointed out to me that I should have a look in this community as she read so many similar stories as mine. I could not believe it when I landed there and discovered that I wasn't alone in this horror story.
I didn't have to carry this burden alone anymore, there were actually people that knew how dirty this world of CPS is in reality. I felt safe, and I felt like I found a home, a platform to share my story, to share experiences, to learn, to help others that needed a shoulder, and most important: to heal.
Grateful
I have expressed my gratitude in the past, but I will do it again today. Linda & all the great people that have been supportive over the years that I was writing for familyprotection every single day, you made the difference! I could not have been where I am today without the support I've had in the past being part of this community while communities weren't even a thing.
It's also where I met my dear friend @misslasvegas at the time, the connection I have with her is close to a sisterhood. She is one of the wisest power ladies I've ever met and the one that I bother when I need some guidance. She reminds me to stay grounded and seek help in natural medicines. Thanks for being you @misslasvegas!
Giving back
In the past I had to cash out my earnings constantly to survive the month as we left our home country with no savings, no belongings, we had to start over completely and this wasn't easy. I could not give back as much as I wanted back then. I decided that it's time to give back and will start writing here more often setting the beneficiary at 50% for @familyprotection as a token of my appreciation.
A good cause
If you haven't heard about this initiative until today, check out what Familyprotection is about by going through the feed and read the content published there. Family is what matters and we need to make sure we protect families from being ripped apart. Especially when this is done by malicious people that have a hidden agenda.
These stories that you'll find may break your heart, but it's reality, I'm living proof of that and I know how crazy some stories sound, trust me, but I also know that this is exactly why these people go to these extreme lengths to destroy loving parents, because they know nobody will believe them, setting back the loving parent by 10 steps instantly.
Our stories need to be heard, our stories matter. We will not be silenced.
Thinking about my children
When I'm struggling with something emotionally regarding my (oldest) children, these thoughts go hand in hand with the connections I've made in the Familyprotection community a few years back. I start to think back about how I managed to get through the toughest years of my life thanks to the community that had my back. It's not strange that today, when I felt emotionally again, I thought back about the community and started writing this post. I will share what my thoughts were about in the next paragraph.
Comparing milestones will soon belong to the past
As some don't know this important part about my family, I will shortly explain a bit about my children otherwise the story won't make sense. With me lives my youngest daughter that will turn 6 soon but I've also got two older children that (unfortunately) live with their father in another country. Without going into much detail, his horrible mission of taking them away from me succeeded and I haven't been part of their lives for more than 6 years now. At the time, my oldest was about 6 years old, so I've taken care of her until she was 6.
She was my first child and as other parents know, you compare milestones when you have another child. Knowing that my youngest daughter will soon turn 6 means that emotionally I have another chapter to close and that's the chapter of knowing that there are no more milestones to compare. This is it as I was excluded from everything else after that. Realizing this, makes me incredibly sad again, and I admit that tears roll down my cheeks while writing this. It's another chapter that will be closed soon and I can only cope, grieve and reserve a special place in my heart for the memories we've shared.
We've shared too little memories
My oldest will turn 12 in a few weeks, and these months are always those that my subconscious starts to process hidden traumas again and make me heal just a little more. I think, I cry (a lot), I get angry, I scream, I'm unreasonable to my loved ones, I write and eventually, I heal (a little).
To my oldest daughter I want to say:
"This wasn't how it was supposed to be, my beautiful girl, my proud and joy. Know that I fought until I couldn't cope anymore, but I lost. I wish you well and hope you are doing OK sweetheart. I heard you are going to the same school as I was at the time, and I heard you're studying hard. Although you're a big girl now, you'll always be my baby! And I love you, your brother and little sister so much. Maybe one day you will read this and know that you are always in my mind.""
And with those words, I will end this post. As I feel it's important to keep my story alive, you will find me here more often from now on.
Thanks for reading!
Credits
- Header Image
- The text divider is my own design.
Let's Connect
If you want to connect, you can give me a follow on my socials. For inquiries, you can send me a direct message on Discord.
