Am I having second thoughts? Do i want another child?
So, lets get this out of the way first, am I pregnant? The answer is NO!
As you can see in the lab results a big negative.
Do I want to be pregnant? Short answer is NO! long one well… I don't think so, but ummmm well… here is the thing, I don't know what I'm feeling ok?
Not to have the option makes me want to have it maybe?
I'm applying this theory to my feelings, I never wanted to have kids when I was younger wasn't a dream of mine and it wasn't like I needed to have them to feel fulfill as a woman or something like that, but when the time came in my already 5 years relationship with whom I think is the love of my life, I was already graduated and we were living together well, we both discussed and I said that we weren’t going to be careful anymore and if happened well awesome and if it didn’t well we would be fine either way, fast-forward 1 month later and I was already pregnant, it happened more quickly than I though it would and it actually surprise me a bit I though my previous cyst issues wouldn’t allow me to get pregnant as fast as I did, anyways We were happy, I hated the whole pregnancy period while living it, now looking bad I think ”oh well it wasn't that bad”, also I wanted a girl and it turn out to be a boy, but having my kid is the best thing that has ever happened to me, he is just my whole world and I wouldn’t change a thing, I now think having a boy is better than having a girl.
When the delivery was planned with out doctor and she said I couldn’t have a natural birth cause I needed a C-Section, well it was annoying, it broke my heart not to be able to live through the experience and all that but I thought I need to take advantage of this, and since we live in Venezuela (hello the economical situation is crazy here) and our dream wasn't having a big family, we both were perfectly happy not even having kids so having one was more than enough, we made the decision to ask for my tubes to be cut.
I fully believe I would have made the same decision if my partner wouldn’t wanted it, cause hello my body my choice, but we did discuss it and he was/is in the same state of mind as I am.
Now that I'm not longer able to get pregnant, and that I know I will not have the chance to have a girl, is not that I regret the decision is just it feels like maybe I missed something, then again I could have gotten pregnant again and still there would not be any guarantees this time I would be having a girl, I mean look at my mother in law she had 5 boys not a single girl in the mix so, yeah that would be funny.
People messing with my head
I usually don't pay attention to what people say, or their opinion on what I should have done in my life or my body.
If you dare to comment OMG how could you cut your tubes being so young in this post, I will mute you and downvote you
But the other day I was minding my own business when a friend of my Boyfriend told him “oh I'm a priest / prophet in my church and I see in your future you are going to have a child again” I'm like well maybe with other woman cause I cant not more, and he was all “may the chains break, you will have a girl” now listen, I don't believe him at all I mean if you are such a prophet you would be rich or help with important stuff not going around telling other people when they will get pregnant.
But... Then I was 15 days late on my period, and well I started thinking what if….? so I went and did my research on the possibilities of it happening, like I expected it to be really low since my doctor almost made me cry begging her before doing the procedure on me, turns out
Tubal ligation is really great at preventing pregnancy — more than 99% effective. This means that fewer than 1 out of 100 people who have a tubal ligation (get sterilized) will get pregnant each year. - Planned Parenthood
😬 1 in every 100 women….
Yeah, I went and took a pregnancy blood test, (picture above) and well I'm not pregnant, but the what if? Had me going crazy, turns out I do not want another kid, I feel perfectly fine with just one, I feel financially would be CRAZY to have another, and not only that, but like we are finally diaper free, we are working on getting this kid to start sleeping in his own bed and working on him finally moving to sleep on his own bedroom, I finally have time when he is in school for some alone time that is so important when you haven't been on your own for more than 3 years, we are even tho already missing the stage of baby and toddler going out of it and into the more mature and independent childhood, I feel like I loved having this kid, I enjoyed even when complaining all the stages so far, but I don't want to do it again, I really think one time was more than enough for us.
Reading that 1 in every 100 women gets pregnant each year after tubal sterilization freaks me out!
But since it has been more than a month by now that my period has gone and not come back I guess is a hormonal issue or my cysts are back and I need to go to the doctor, but I'm happy to report I am not pregnant and this scare made me realize I did make the right decision and I'm happy about it.
As always, thank you for reading me, would love to read about your own experience on this, so please leave a comment or better yet, make a post in The Motherhood Community.
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