I've turned to something like the voice of reason and calm in my family these days. Everyone seems to have it rough since the passing of dad in one way or the other. There's the emotional struggles, then there's the financial struggles that we've had to contend with recently. All these happenings just made me rather resigned to what I've come to believe is the true nature of life. I mean I've always known this, but you'd agree with me that living out an experience and being told about it are two very different feelings.
My decision to embrace something that resembles stoicism isn't because I consider myself stronger than my siblings or better off. On the contrary, I think some of my natural enthusiasm may have died down as a result of constant challenges. While my outlook is still overwhelmingly positive, there are times when it does feel like those changes would never happen. Being in the thick of an experience can affect thought and reason, and ultimately action.
All the times I've had to power down usually comes with a justification on my head that it was absolutely necessary and I won't have to go through that route next time. You probably guessed right, and I have gone down that route quite a handful of times, at least enough to come to the realization that I don't really have any grip on the future. There will always be temptations to power down. Those who manage to hold sway when the times are really rough almost always emerge victorious from it. It can be depressing but I think we hardly wait for rough times to pass on naturally before we move on by ourselves.
I certainly hope I've developed a thick enough skin to go through the challenges of the present. Even if immediate solutions are sought now, there will ultimately be challenges ahead. I've noticed that when it feels like our survival is being threatened we stop thinking and act on instinct. Yet even a thought spared in difficult times might make a world of difference for a comeback in the future.