Doing something big and important is rarely as simple as saying it. Often we do not know how to begin and, even if we do, we rarely have all the knowledge and strength we need to start it.
Also, we almost always have the most urgent things to do so we're breaking long-term goals. I know what the basic advice will be, as always: a step at a time is what you need, divide the work into phases, or manageable pieces, focus on the first important small step that will move you forward, and avoid distraction.
That is good advice. However, in my experience and current situation, that advice is not enough. Because the reason we fear starting a big long-term project is not just that we have too much time or we don’t know where to start. And it is not because we think it does not matter. In fact, it is the opposite. The obvious reason why I would think of postponing a big project is that it is important and I don't want to mess it up. It is very important that I would be too afraid to start work on it.
Having a building or a house of your own is a dream that everyone will love to achieve, and that's an important project that can create fear in your heart when thinking of starting to work on it. I don't know how to state my feeling correctly. For the first time in my life, I feel scared and afraid that I'll fail. That I’m going to need a lot of extra energy and support to succeed, and spend a lot of time on it while giving up some other responsibilities. I felt overwhelmed knowing the financial requirements for such a project and sadly, discouraged me from launching it. My thoughts: If I can't do it, why start?
A biblical injunction says to count the cost of a building to know if you can do it or not before starting such a project. Working by that injunction creates more fear in me because the cost of constructing a building is scary. Moreover, I also fear the effect of procrastination which can be worse of all.
I thought I was ready to take on this project because some of the preliminaries have been done. But deep down in my heart, a part of me is engulfed in fear. Then I learned elsewhere that any big project is like a mirror. It reflects your thoughts, your efforts, and your personality. It has your whole life on it. Failure in a long-term project is not just a financial issue but an identity problem. When we know our personalities we will strive to create a world that fits those personalities. Is it weird that we have to procrastinate?
Now, what should be my solution?
Should I ignore those fears? I do admit it. I need someone to relate with and share my concern with. Ideally, I confided with my wife after showing her the building plan, which gets her so much excited, but I wasn't. Her pet talk works like magic and light which sparked some boldness in me. Hear her;
"Now that you know you are going to start working on the building project, take a moment to calm down and experience the fear that comes with the importance of the project. Those fears are normal. Perhaps you are afraid that you may not have enough money to continue the project after starting it, but not starting it doesn't guarantee that either. Maybe you are afraid of failing to complete the project and wouldn't want to be a laughing stock. But how would you know what the outcome would be if you do not start?". I think I know now how to handle my anxieties.
How I planned to deal with my fear
Accepting my fear
Yeah, the fear is real and I must not only admit it but also accept it. There is no shame in being afraid everyone does have fear in one area or the other of their lives. I don't have to try to reduce the anxiety. That will be a false and weak answer and not bold. Accepting my fear is an acknowledgment that I may not have everything I need to meet my expectations; I may not have all the financial requirements to do things perfectly. Admitting that, reduces my expectations of getting it perfect when I hit.
Fear is the most difficult of all emotions I've ever experienced in my life. Why? Because it's so contrary to everything I believe in and everything I am trying to become. While I am aware of the fact that everyone experiences fear, I have never been good at dealing with it. This emotion is always there ready to tear me down in case something or someone attacks my dreams. It has stopped me from doing so many things in the past, but now, I'm not going to let fear win anymore.
Lowering my expectations
Knowing one's fears also gives you another important purpose. When you recognized that you do not have all the tools, knowledge, skills, and financial support to see the progress of your project, you learned to break your project into manageable phase-by-phase implementation and assign the necessary tools, work skills, and finance accordingly and progressively.
Instead of looking at the number of rugs on a ladder, I have to focus on one rug at a time. The big picture should be kept aside, for now, to enable focus on the piece of the same picture.
General advice doesn't matter at this stage because it will create more fear and confusion in your mind. If you want to know the market price of a thing, it's better to go to the market to find out by yourself. People would always want to be praised for what they have done by giving false information. For instance, when I asked a friend who is already building his house how much it cost to lay the foundation of his building, the amount he told me was like an earthquake in my heart. But when I took my building plan to an experience builder the amount I was told was twice lower than what I was previously informed.
Deciding when and how to start
Haven has to deal with the initial fear or anxieties, it is finally time to decide when and how to start the first phase and hire the necessary work skills for the job. However, I feel the fear might still reappear when the work started. There could still be a feeling of resistance. But now I know what it is. And I will Let those concerned know it, and that way it will be easier to move on with the work.
I know some people may think that am blind or being economical. But that doesn't have to hunt. Telling others that you are intimidated by something you should do gives them permission to feel, express their concerns, and perhaps give the support they can. There could be people that are kind, supportive, and empathetic.
And such support can make a difference in the overall look of the project.
Posted Using LeoFinance Alpha