It's been three days since I lost my mum and naturally we all know it's expensive to die, which might not always be true in some other parts of the world. It's sure is the situation in a certain part of Nigeria.
The reason is that planning burials aren't easy and cheap, you need to cook to feed the hundreds of people to attend, they'll instruct you on the whisky or alcohol to buy, they'll tell you the kind of goat they enjoy eating, irrespective of the fact that the family of the deceased is grieved, their financial conditioning is never put into perspective.
A lot of people borrow loans and use their properties as collateral to feed people or plan for those who attend the burial, when you ask them why they'll say it's culture and they had to use everything they owned to pacify the dead at the expense of their living.
But why?
I seriously do not know how backward these norms are, especially when people do not have enough money. It's understandable when you burn all that money because you have it, but what's the essence of living when you're living for the dead?
This is the situation I've found myself in. My mother is currently at the morgue and everyone left and right is looking to milk me for money, alcohol, or food in the name of culture. In the past, I've always talked about how money expectations are always placed on a hierarchy.
For example, it's thought that a man is a breadwinner by default. It's felt that the first born of every family will always play "daddy roles", especially when it's financial, irrespective of their secondary financial conditioning, their primary aim is to live for others or thrive for others to live.
While this isn't really a problem, the main problem is the failure to cut people some slack when they're not financially capable enough
The Money & Loyalty Game
In Nigeria, people don't see challenges and limitations they see financial responsibilities that have to be met and when a person cannot meet these expectations at a particular point in time, they're deemed too lazy or undeserved to be placed in front of a familial hierarchy. It's safe to say people worship money, the stench of money buys dogged loyalty and never a test of true loyalty or love.
Emergency Funds Should Only Be Emergency Funds
Now, back to me. Before this time, I had dug into my emergency fund to pay rent, finish my house projects, and hope and wish an emergency wouldn't pop up. Originally, that fund was meant for emergency purposes something difficult, out of the blue, unusual, or expensive.
Because it's difficult to predict the future, it's important to prepare for unforeseen circumstances which will come in form of expenditures that are meant to unbalance a person.
One of the biggest mistakes was digging into my emergency fund without taking cognizance of how exposed I might be financially, and this has come back to haunt me severely, currently, I do have any money, and the huge responsibility of finding my mother's burial is at the table, this responsibility is making it difficult for me to properly grieve
Complications The Monetary Gains
This is because one cannot grieve when they're challenged and while the way of life of some people can be simpler, we choose to often complicate things for selfish benefits. Nigeria is highly bureaucratic in almost every sector and all aspects of life.
We thrive and enjoy complications because of how we tend to take advantage of the monetary benefits that come with it.
This means making life difficult for others is how some people tend to make money for themselves and this is why it's hard for people here to apply simplification to their way of life and the lives of others. I'll take time to source money to finish up this burial, so I can properly grieve and begin from ground zero.
Interested in some more of my works?
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Shopping Online & The Illusion Of Buying Cheap Things
The Humanistic Approach Towards Scarcity & Competition
Spending & Accumulating: The Low & High Point Of The Crypto Seasons.
@Josediccus, your brother-in-pen & heart
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