The last weekend has been emotionally very intense, although at the same time it helped me to gain clarity about my current life situation and what do I really want.
To put you a bit in a context, I am a Spanish travel soul who is currently living in Bali. Currently I am renting a room with a private bathroom in a guesthouse. Which means that I share the kitchen, pool and other common green areas with other people. The room that I am renting I also share it with my boyfriend.
So in this place for sharing, I found a my "own" space. It's actually in a common area but almost nobody uses it, so it became my spot of creation:
Saturday: the trigger
This is the place where I work with my computer, right on my book, watch videos, etc. But when I arrive on Saturday the table and chair were gone. Apparently they were not common but from another private room so they took it back.
It really affected me because already for some days I had this feeling of I miss having my own space and suddenly I felt that the little piece that I could feel my own it was not. With a combination of being a bit more sensitive because of my period, this end up in a terrible bad mood when I started to questioning everything I was doing.
My first thought was go back to my comfort zone. Go back to Málaga, speak with the owner of a beautiful studio I used to rent and look for another corporate job.
Then I reminded myself that actually this is not what I really want and actually speaking with my boyfriend he told me that I should get clear in what do I really want.
So I asked myself this question and the answer it's what I knew already and has been in my mind for long: building my own eco space in Los Montes de Málaga (Spain). I would build my own house and other places to rent and to create events.
I was sharing this with a friend and she suggested to go and look for investors. To create a business plan first to get clear about the money that I would need and then speak with people to see how can I make this possible.
And although it looks like a very good idea it's also scary. It would require a lot of time of energy since I have never done this before and I have not guarantee that it will work.
Sunday: come back to the present moment
I didn't sleep well on Saturday because I was overthinking about what to do, so on Sunday I decided to go to my favourite spot to gain more clarity while I was journaling.
I came to this point where I questioned everything. Do you want to continue with the online business you had in mind? Do you want to stay here or move back to Spain?
I realized about this thing that is not the first time that it happens to me. When I am here I want to be there and when I am there I want to be here. So I was not going to make any moving decision until I gain more clarity of where is this feeling coming from.
Then I went to another mandala workshop and create something I really enjoyed doing:
After that spent some time with this beautiful dog:
And watched a beautiful sunset with my partner. We had another talk about everything and it helped to gain the clarity that I needed to continue:
- I was not enjoying what I was doing with the "online business" I was creating so it doesn't make sense to continue that path. It's better to take a pause and rethink the whole process.
- It's better to take small steps towards something I really want than overthinking about what I don't want.
- I am a very lucky girl. I live in a paradise island surrounded by beauty with a partner that I can have honest conversations with and support when I need it.
- Life is simple and perfect. It only gets complicated when we get stuck in this complaining mode. When we get out of it it's when the creation starts to unfolds.
- I am grateful about who I am today and about everything I have created in my life.
Still there are many things that will get more clear while I do these small steps. But for now I am happy with my progress :)
Thank you for reading 🙏 and if you have any knowledge, information, hints about how to develop a business plan to find investors to build a eco space/hotel/camping, I would be very happy to listen ✨
I hope that you enjoy a beautiful Monday wherever you are in the world 💖
