I grew up with a single mum who did everything she could to take care of us.
She made sure we never lacked anything, and most of the time, we didn’t have to worry about much. At times, it felt like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders—trying to meet the needs of five kids all by herself.
We were lucky because my elder brother helped out financially whenever things got tough. But looking back now, I realize that what I really needed was the chance to face my own struggles. My mum was always there, fixing things for us, and I honestly feel like it kept me from learning how to deal with problems on my own. I couldn’t make decisions without running them by her first, and now I see that wasn’t the best thing for me.
She had good intentions, no doubt about that. She wanted to protect us, but it ended up making it harder for us—especially when life threw challenges our way and we had to deal with them alone.
There’s a saying in my culture: "Owó l'omo o jiya, ó l'oun gbon; tàbí ni teacher tó kọ́," which means "A child who doesn’t suffer for money thinks they are wise; or perhaps they have a teacher who teaches them." This really resonates with me because, growing up, we didn’t face many challenges. My mum took care of everything, and that made it hard for us to understand the value of resilience and hard work.
I remember when I first got into university. I had no idea how to handle myself. I struggled a lot, especially when it came to money for food. Instead of figuring things out, I was always looking for someone to help me, mostly because I was used to that kind of support growing up. I wasn’t prepared for that level of independence and It wasn’t entirely my fault, but I wasn’t just ready for the reality of having to fend for myself.
Over time, I’ve been able to realize that what I really needed was to face challenges earlier in life. I needed to learn how to deal with things on my own instead of always depending on others. University forced me to wake up to that reality and I am glad it did.
Now, I’m working on becoming more independent. I still ask for help when I need it, but I’m learning how to handle things better on my own. It’s not easy, but I know it’s something I have to do.
Looking back, I love my mum for everything she did for us. She gave us so much love and care, but if there’s one thing I wish I had more of, it’s the space to struggle and figure things out on my own. Her love shaped me, but now it’s my turn to build my independence, even though it’s coming a bit later than I expected.
Thanks to @galenkp for this wonderful topic.
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