There was a time in my life when I felt I was dying, a discomfort in my head, a physical pain and a sensation of "being more there than here", my brain and heart were running like a runaway horse, they were very difficult moments that I do not want to remember in detail. In moments of the worst agony I clung to life because I thought of my mother, I imagined her suffering a lot for my departure, I asked the Supreme Being:
Please help me, I do not want to die yet, I do not want to cause this pain to my mother.
Deep down I wanted to let myself go, I did not want to continue living with that discomfort that had robbed me of my peace, that had me almost immobile, among other things.
I remember that one of the days that I felt worse, a friend accompanied me to the doctor, there was a moment that my heart was so out of control and my thoughts were going, as I could I asked my friend to get me pencil and paper, trembling I wrote some things that I considered important, emphasizing my mother, telling her not to suffer because I was leaving in peace and it was already the best for me. I kept the letter in my purse, I told my friend that if I died to give it to my family.
That day the doctor attended me and sent me to perform a series of studies, he sent me home, I asked a nurse to inject me with some medicine to relax and sleep, she did, I remember that when I got home I slept from 06:00 PM until 08:00 AM, when I woke up I felt a little better.
Of that discomfort there are still small sequels, however, it is already something mild and my will to live has returned. Sometimes I think that death is often the best option for many, because living without the desire to do so is not life, for whatever reason, after all death is not bad in itself, it is the only sure thing that we know is going to happen. I think the worst thing about death is the suffering of those who love us, that lack of comfort they may have for a long time, that bewilderment of not knowing where the person went.
So, I think there can be something worse than death?
First of all, I don't think death is bad, it is part of life, it just doesn't stop hurting when someone loved or admired passes to that other plane so unknown and from my point of view it can be that feeling of uncertainty of not knowing where we are going, if we are really going somewhere else, not knowing if we are going to a higher state or full of torment.
I remember once I had sleep paralysis, it is when your body is asleep but a part of your brain has awakened, you can perceive smells, hear, but you cannot move or open your eyes, for me it was a chilling experience. When I woke up completely I thought: Wow, if this is what it feels like to die, it really is the most horrible thing in the world to stay forever in this state.
But I only thought about it for a moment, I don't really believe that this is what dying feels like, maybe passing to another plane is a new awakening, a new opportunity, the liberation of the physical body for a learning process. I have always believed that nothing is written except for the date of our departure, that is the only thing that I believe is already stipulated from the moment we are engendered in our mother's womb.
Facundo Cabral said:
"The one who died simply went ahead of us because we are all going there".
"There is no death, there is moving, and on the other side there are wonderful people waiting for you: Gandhi, Michelangelo, Whitman, San Agustín..."
So I think that if there is something worse than dying, it is living without at least a hint of desire to do so, because we see that most of the time, no matter how difficult the situation is, there is always something that clings us to life:
- To see that charming smile again.
- To see our mother smile.
- Seeing our nephews and nieces grow up.
- To have dinner at that restaurant again.
- Gathering at New Year's with the family.
- Seeing the starry night.
- Seeing the sunset on the beach.
- Seeing the sunrise on the mountain.
- Eating delicious chocolate.
- Seeing our plants bloom.
- And so a list to infinity...
I always end up talking about dreams🙈
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This weekend @galenkp gave us food for thought with his proposals, I invite you to find out the details by clicking here.
Photos from my personal gallery, taken with my Huawei Honor 6X, edited with the free version of Canva.
