An Uncomfortable Mystery

in #hive-1707987 days ago

https://pixabay.com/photos/man-phone-call-smartphone-6467779/

“How're holding up?”

Aunt Mary's voice came shakily at the other end of the phone. Julian could hear her sniffing noisly in the background and speaking softly to her grandkids.

“Fine.”

Julian's breathe came in long peaceful draughts though a mighty fire was raging inside him and his face was somehow contorted by discomfort.

“I'm holding up fine Aunty. What can I do? I can only grieve for as long as is necessary and then face the mighty task before me.”

“Indeed, dear. Your mom is resting peacefully in heaven and chorusing to God with the band of angels in white. It'd not be meet if we allow ourselves to be consumed by the sorrow.”

Julian shifted the phone from his left ear to the right and breathed a heavy sigh.

“Yes. But still I wish I'd spent more time with her. She was easily the nicest person I'd ever met.”

“Not to worry. You will see her again. The Holy Book tells us not to weep like people who've lost all hope.”

Julian didn't reply. Sometimes he felt discomforted by too much religiousness as his aunt was giving him now. He wiped a treacherous tear from his right eye with a shaky finger and then said.

“Thanks Aunt Mary. I will visit soon. Say goodbye to your family for me.”

“Goodbye, son.”

Julian placed the phone on the table with trembling hands and then stood up from the sofa and paced the living room restlessly. He stopped at where the pictures hung on the wall. There was his mom, smiling broadly and looking too glamorous for a 28 year old. She was wearing a well tailored suit, immaculate white. Her clothing accessories even gleamed in the photo and her golden hair peeked out from beneath her cap. It was the picture she took on her 28th birthday.

Julian took the picture in his sweaty hands and ran a finger over it. How he wished he had had more time with her before her untimely demise. There were still many unanswered questions about his life that only her could provide answers to. He turned his thoughts to the task he had at hand, taking over his mom's vast company. He hoped he would not disappoint her, he had promised this to her on her deathbed.

“Forget the answers. You will get all the answers when the time is right.” His mom had said. “Focus on sustaining the corporate organization I am leaving behind.”

“Why mom?” He'd asked.

His mom was disturbingly silent for a few oppressive seconds then said:

“it's the legacy of my grandad. My dad told me this legacy was to continue at all costs. It cost lives to make this company what it is today and it cannot all be lost like that. Make sure that it isn't.”

“I will mom.”

Muttered Julian though that wasn't exactly what he wanted to say.

https://pixabay.com/photos/man-book-woods-person-outdoors-1853348/

He remembered the days he lived with his adoptive parents. After his adoptive dad perished in a truck accident he was raised by his step mom. His stepmom had always been harsh to him and he often doubted if she was truly his mother. Questions about his true identity plagued his thoughts from day to day.

One day he was crossing the street when he was hit by an overspeeding taxi. When he woke up in the hospital the doctors told him a good Samaritan had brought him to the hospital after the accident and footed the hospital bills. When his stepmom visited the hospital he found out it wasn't her.

Also when he was attacked by an armed group the group had been picked off one by one by a sniper's bullets. It seemed someone was watching over him and trying to protect him. That mysterious someone also always provided his material needs. He would find out who it was one day.

His real mom turned out to be the one that had always kept a protective eye on him. Unfortunately she wasn't able to satisfy his curiosity about his background as she passed away just a week after their reunion. He pressed her for answers but she told him he would get all the answers when the time was right.

The night when Julian's first son was born, he got a mail in his box. He tore it open and found a letter. He read it with a good countenance until he came to the part where it said 'you will give up your son for adoption like I did and have no ties to him whatsoever. The people that came for me will be coming for you too and your son can't have any part in it. That's the reason I handed you out to be raised by others because I had to protect you….'

The white folded piece of paper nearly fell out of Julian's hands. Nonetheless he composed himself and continued reading. When his wife called him for dinner the next half an hour it took him a long time to show up at the dinning table and when he did, worry and anxiety were etched heavily on his handsome face…

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That's so mysterious. Where did the letter come from, and why would one demands another man's child for adoption?. That's enough to be anxious about.

Sorry, @newbreed, I decided to leave the story that way. Thanks for reading my story and leaving a comment.

You're welcome

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hello @aloysiusmbaba. Your short story introduces quite a few characters and story lines in a very short space of time, but it is not possible to do justice to all of them with a limited word count. The piece was intriguing with some great ideas for a plot but felt more like an opening chapter to a much longer story. You have allowed your unbridled imagination and creativity to flow but at the expense of developing your characters and remaining focused on the central plot. You therefore leave the reader with far too many questions about your main character's adoptive parents, birth parents, maternal great grandfather, aunt, the company business, the attackers, the snipers, the cause of his mother's death, and so on. There are so many facts shared that we start to lose track of what may or may not be relevant to the plot. Always remember, that nothing should be added to a story unless it is important to the plot including. By not resolving the conflicts within your story, the reader is left feeling unsatisfied by the end because there is effectively no story arc or character arc. Take a look at our pinned post in The Ink Well community to learn more about how to hone your craft so that you can learn to channel your creativity more effectively while using good fiction writing technique. Your piece would also have benefited from an edit to identify and correct issues with spelling, grammar, and punctuation.

Thanks, @theinkwell for your corrections, I've taken them to heart and will do my best not to repeat the mistakes. Thanks also for supporting my story.