"You need to change your attitude and be more homely if you expect Frank to do anything for you." An advice I heard my mom give to a lady that's not biologically related but she calls her sister. Let's call her Anita. The thing is since Anita got married, we've never rested in our house. It's been from one complaint to the other and we were fed up. At a point, I stopped entertaining her and it was her always running to my mom over the slightest misunderstanding she and husband had.
So on this particular day, she came with her usual complaints of how her husband doesn't provide for the home and how she feels overwhelmed with the financial burden. Listening to Anita complaining, one would think that she's fed up and any minute now she would come tell us that she's through with the marriage. Quite unfortunately for us, it all ended in her complaining and never yielding to advise.
It was even more annoying because the whole situation was avoidable. Before the marriage, it was me giving Anita all the necessary information concerning the man. Frank being my mother's best friend and I my mother's gossip partner, means that I was privileged to a whole lot of information. So, the moment Anita came that Frank wanted to marry her, I did not hesitate to spill tea. But of course it's Anita who will never listen to anyone but whatever goes on in her head.
Fast forward to after her marriage, she saw first hand all that I warned her about and by the time she had complained on three occasions to me, I had blanked her and our friendship severed. As I listened to her complain to my mom, I pretended to be asleep in our other sitting room. When I heard her flare up over my mother advising her to change her character towards Frank, I laughed quietly and just said to myself, "there's no way that you are getting a dime from that man with such an attitude".
At a point, even my mother was irritated over her utterances and just told her to leave the marriage so that we can all have peace. While I waited eagerly for her response, of course I wasn't disappointed as she told my mother that advising her to get a divorce was least expected.
Not just that but she expressed how disappointed she was at my mom and promised never to come and share her marital woes again. And of course, it was a relief for all of us.
True to her words, she never came visiting again and at one point, we rarely saw her at her place of business. The few occasions we saw her, it was her looking really older and frail. A once vibrant young lady now appeared to be the shadow of herself. Well, it would seem that everyone else was also tired of her repeated complaints. Regardless of what she said to my mother about keeping away, she resorted to ambushing us on the way to lay her complaints. At a point, we stopped passing her business area and resorted to using another route.
Then one day, she visited but this time around it wasn't for complaints but to inform us that she was moving out and she had seen an apartment close to our house. We were genuinely happy for her because maybe she could bounce back to her glory days.
While we celebrated her bold step, she also informed us that the marriage would be dissolved as Frank has been asked to come collect the bride price that he paid. Well, she said these things in the most callous of ways and one could sense some disjoints in her story. But in all, we were just excited that the nightmare was over for all of us. Or so we thought.
The Sunday that just passed, it was my mom returning from service to give me a load down of what actually transpired between Anita and Frank. Apparently, Frank sent Anita packing on a lot count but he said the one that is most prevalent is the fact that Anita is too materialistic and hostile. She continued to treat him and his children from a previous marriage with maliciousness and contempt. While he thought he could manage the situation, Anita moved out of their room to the visitors room and has refused to live up to her marital duties. According to Frank, if she would treat him with the smallest amount of love, he wouldn't be bothered but as it stands, he's forced to look for love elsewhere and he doesn't want to cheat.
“So he thought it's best to end the marriage”. I concluded on his behalf.
My mom took a deep breath and said, “hope you see how people ruin their life?
Was it not here I advised Anita to be more accommodating towards her husband and she got angry?
Well, when you refuse to listen to advice, you will suffer the consequences”.
After my mom's submission, I was left with no words to contribute. Because really, there was nothing to be discussed. However, where it got really creepy was when Frank called my mom over the week. He complained that Anita no longer lives in his house, but she has refused to move her things. To further Make it a more difficult situation to handle, she had also instructed her Kinsmen to not return her bride price.
"Why not involve the authorities?" My mom questioned Frank over the phone.
"Seems like you have forgotten that I'm married in court and its not yet dissolved. Reporting to the authorities will be me ratting myself out.
Vic, I don't want to go to jail, I don't want to be fined neither do I want to pay compensation to anyone". Upon Frank's revelation, my mom chose to distance herself from the whole web that he had entangled himself in.
As someone who learns from other people's experiences, I decided to play over the whole situation again, reviewing both parties' grievances.
*Anita claimed that Frank deceived her into marriage as he was still very much involved with his ex wife (I informed her this when they were courting). It was on that ground, that she chose to make the marriage unbearable for Frank and then there is Frank who believes that as long as he could provide shelter, a woman should earn and be able to feed the home (I also informed Anita this and it was on this ground his ex wife left him).
However, despite Frank's principles, he is the type of man who won't hesitate to invest in adding value to his wife. This trait of his was evident in his first marriage where he trained his ex wife in school and secured her a job. But not without her being submissive.*
After going over the whole scenario, I saw the loopholes and saw the roles that both parties played in creating those loopholes. While I didn't apportion blame, I simply added to my Mental archive the knowledge that I had gathered from both Frank's and Anita's experience.
