"He likes girls too much; that's why he is friends with all the girls in the street." I overheard Tola talking to David, his friend, after I had just escorted Ruth to the bus stop where she boarded a motorcycle that would take her home. I ignore them because this is not the first time I would be hearing such words.
"Why are most of your friend's girls? Are you dating any of them? How many of them have you slept with? You would be a womanizer.
All this insulting coming from people with low intellectual capacity never hurt me because they are all like-minded when they see a young boy and a girl together talking. "They must be dating," is what they would think at first.
Tola is the son of Mr. Badejoko, the secretary to the estate where we live. He wasn't too tall, skinny, dark-skinned, or a flirt. The truth was, most of my friends were girls, not because I was some kind of flirt, but because I understood something many people, like Tola and David, didn't, which is trust and respect go a long way.
It wasn't that I didn't have male friends; I did. But I noticed early on that the girls around me often didn't feel safe or comfortable in the company of many other guys. Whether it was due to unwanted advances, judgmental remarks, or the pressure of expectations, they rarely had a space where they could let their guard down. And so, over time, I became that safe space for them.
I remember the conversation Motun and I had one late afternoon; this conversation opened my eyes to a whole new world. "Fash, do you know most guys I have been friends with? They always want one thing or another from me," Motun said out of the blue. I was confused at first because I had never asked her out or made any advance move for her to think that. "Was I being too kind to her? Is she interpreting my kindness as something else?" She could tell from the front of my face that I wasn't comfortable with what she said.
"No, no, no, you did nothing wrong. Take a chill pill, Fash," she said, then gave a soft chuckle. It was then that I relaxed a bit. "I said that because you have been an amazing friend. I have known you for years now, and you have never tried to harass me in any way. You always respect my opinion."
As she talked, I was already feeling very fly, but I was still confused because I had no idea where this was coming from.
"You see," she continued, "most of the male friends I have always tried to find a way to get under my skirt or want more than friendship, but you have been true to our friendship. I feel so comfortable and safe around you because I trust you."
After she had said those words, I then understood why Ruth always wanted me to walk her to the bus stop at night or why other girls kept recommending me to their friends so we could be friends. The reason is not because I had some ulterior motive, but because they feel secure and comfortable, like the saying always goes, "snug as a bug in a rug."
It was then I made the decision, "If there are guys out there trying to make the life of young ladies a living hell, then I will be the one to create a safe heaven for them where they can move freely without fear."
Thanks for reading.
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