Anyone who knew Stanley knew he wasn't one to mope around, but it had been a tough few months and everyone seemed to be looking out for him. This was actually worse as it made him feel like some kind of community project where everyone had to contribute their bit. At the beginning of the school year he hadn't imagined that final year would have an absolute tone of finality to it.
As he walked out of the classroom, he could almost feel the stares and he definitely didn't want their pity. It had been three months already and people still spoke in hushed tones whenever he walked by. Did they think he was all of a sudden allergic to laughter and happiness, even though he couldn't remember the last time he had a smile on his face.
He sighed at the irony of the situation. Here he was angry that everyone was acting weird around him, when he was certain giving off some high grade weird vibe. If only Carter were here, he would've known what to do.
Lost in his thoughts, Stanley almost bumped into someone and before he could offer an apology, he realized it was Tara standing in front of him. He must've zoned out again.
"Lee, have you been avoiding me?"
"Hi Tara. Umm what do you mean?"
"You know what I'm talking about. Everytime I call you're either busy or not around and I barely get to talk to you in school"
"I guess I've been busy"
'Yeah busy looking and walking around like a zombie"
There was a hint of anger begining to surface inside him before he realized that this was probably her intention. To get him mad enough to force an emotion out of him.
'Someone said .............." she continued
He sighed as he walked past her tuning out her words. Everyone in this school were the same, they all felt he was broken and needed
fixing. He was indeed broken but he wasn't interested in the fixing part of it.
If only Carter were here, he thought.
Three months prior
Carter wouldn't budge or even come out of his room. Ordinarily Stanley wouldn't have bothered and simply barged in, but his twin had locked the door on the other side. He knew what must've been going through Carter's mind. If they were caught, no cell phone and internet would be the least of their punishments.
For Stanley though, the risk was worth it. One of their classmates was having a birthday party and it would probably be the biggest party before they graduated and there was no way Stanley was going to miss out on all that fun. The only problem was that it was an all nighter and their parents wouldn't allow them attend.
"Bro, I hope you realize Tara is going to be there" Stanley shouted from the door.
It took a few seconds before Carter spoke up "You sure about that?".
Stanley smiled from the other side of the door. Tara was the prettiest girl in school and Carter had a huge crush on her since like forever. Fortunately for him, they'd started dating just immediately as they resumed their final year in high school. If Tara was going to be there, it would be a small task to convince Carter to sneak out of the house.
*A 100%" came Stanley's voice.
It took some careful and tactical manoeuvring but eventually Carter agreed to go as well.
The D-Day came and both boys snuck out of the house on their Dads old bike which they'd carefully stashed some distance away from the house. True to their expectations, the party was all they expected it to be and even more.
Stanley somehow got reckless and got himself drunk. It was eventually time to leave for home and they headed towards the bike.
'You sure you can see where you're going, let alone ride this thing. How about you give me the keys instead" Carter asked
'Keep calm bro, I could ride this thing with my eyes closed. Besides I was riding bikes long before you were born"
'You realize how absurb that sounds, we're literally twins" Carter replied
They both got on the bike with Stanley in front as they headed home. Stanley couldn't recollect much of what happened later, he only remembered waking in an hospital bed three days later. Carter didn't survive the accident.
If only he'd given Carter the keys.
It was a long journey adjusting to the new reality that their one plus one would no longer equal one. There was only Stanley now and no more Carter.
It had been three months since the accident and although no one knew how close things were to being different, Stanley knew and for that alone he felt guilty of his brothers death.
The guilt would never permanently leave but he was could at least try to find peace and forgiveness.
Stanley turned back towards Tara
"You wanna hang out after school?"
"Yeah sure" she replied smiling
Smiling for the first time in months felt awkward, but Stanley managed a genuine one. Tara was smiling and Stanley knew Carter would've absolutely loved to see that.
He would try to see the world once again for the beautiful place it used to be for Carter. As Stanley walked away from Tara, he didn't feel guilty for the first time in three months.
