I looked at the crowd from a distance, with a sad smile in my eyes. All I could see were people who were truly happy and joyful and people who had felt loved. My mom had never felt that while growing up. All she knew was survival. She had done everything she could to sheid us from all the ugliness in this world, and I loved her for it. But that was not what I needed from her. I didn't need her to shield me from it, especially now, I thought to myself as I continued gazing at the sea of happy faces celebrating and dancing around the town's city hall.
It was new years Eve, and here in Denvel city, they threw a carnival. The air was festive and alive, with the loud sound of music playing from the huge speaker. The people danced around with their loved ones. The children busied themselves playing all sorts of games they could find and there were a lot. The smell of different kind of food filled the atmosphere. There was a mini stage at the center of the hall where people gathered. A comedian was on stage making people laugh. I looked to my right to see a life band, singing and playing melodiously. People also gathered around dancing to their song, some even singing the lyrics with them.
All my life, I've been a traveller. Because my Mom made it so, she was so good at running away when things got tough. It was her coping mechanism. And we had no say in it, we just packed up our bags and leave. And so I've never had friends, I've never really settled down in one place long enough to get to know people, socialize. I've lacked stability all my life. But this town was different. Things are really looking more hopeful, I've made lots of friends here that I'm not willing to let go of. I've never seen my mom so happy in this town.
She had tried for us, I knew that, but I was done with all the secrets and lies. I was not going to let her mess this one up to and then we'll have to move again. I looked at the carnival down below again, from where I stood, At the roof top of an old abandoned two story building. That was where I usually went whenever i needed peace and quiet. Up there looking down at the bustling city and how it gets quiet as the day gets darker, that was my solace.
The clock finally struck midnight, and there was a loud sound, like a loud bell ringing from the town hall indicating the beginning of another new year. I watched as the crowd hugged one another, everyone shouting and cheering as we walked into a new year. I noticed how suddenly everyone was holding a paper lantern in their hands. As I watched closely, they made a wish, something like a new year resolution and let the lantern flow up, getting lost in the sky.
As I watched, intrigued by this act, the ringing of my phone distracted me for some seconds. I glanced to see a text message from my mom asking where I was. A deep sigh left my lips. I wasn't prepared to face her just yet, considering everything I had just found Out. One thing was certain, my mom had some serious skeletons in her closet. And I was apprehensive to find out what those skeletons were.
She had warned me before, to stay out of it. Saying sometimes it's better not to know. But I looked down at the sea of happy faces, and decided I loved this town so much to let anything ruin it especially her. If finding out what those skeletons were, was the only way to keep her in check from ruining this beautiful life we've got going on here, then I was going to do it and that was my new year resolution
" Come here young lady, where were you?" My mum asked sternly as I walked into the living room.
" Out" I simply said ignoring her
" No you will not give me that attitude Ellen!" She said in a commanding voice but I was already used to it all, the facade, how she pretends that everything is fine when it is clearly not.
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" What attitude should I give you then" I asked her fed up with all the pretense
" You want me to smile and pretend like everything is fine when I just saw a gun under your bed." I said in a sarcastic voice.
" I told you it's for protection" she started saying the same lies again and I couldn't help but cut her off
" I know about the letters mom, the ones I wrote to dad. You never sent them did you?" I asked almost tearing up.
She couldn't answer. She stood there quiet like a thief who had just been caught.
" I also know that you killed Kenny, didn't you?
" With that flower you always nurtured and watered. You poisoned him didn't you? " I asked again, shouting this time.
" You can't even try to deny it" I said feeling sick to my stomach.
I turned on my back, heading to my room, needing to be anywhere but here , but her voice stopped me dead in my tracks.
" I know you might think I'm a monster Ellen, and maybe your right" she said with a shaky voice, fighting back the tears.
" But everything I did, i did to protect you." She said at last and 1 couldn't help but turn to look at her
" Don't you dare use me as an excuse for the bad things you did" I replied angrily
" You think it was easy? Being a single mother at fifteen with no one to turn to. I had to do what I had to do to survive, to protect you. Cause life is never fair and the weak only gets thrown at the corner.
You may not understand it now, but seeing the smart, beautiful good woman that you have become now, I'll gladly do all of it again. I'll take all of the darkness and ugliness in a heart beat so you'll never have to go through what I went through. " My mum said in between tears, and as she spoke all I could see was the unconditional love of a mother.
Feeling an overwhelming need to comfort her I hugged her so tightly, wrapping my hands around her. She hugged me back with a sad smile. We stayed like that for a while and then I pulled away
" I'm sorry Ellen, for everything" she said to me
" No more secrets again, no more lies" I said looking at her with a serious expression.
" Alright darling, I promise"
