While growing up, I always wanted to please everybody. I don't want anyone to have a grudge against me, so I always go out of my comfort zone to make sure I please everyone around me, even when it's not convenient for me. This lowered my self-esteem and made me so dependent on people's thoughts and opinions.
During my teenage days, I always thought having people around you was what made you who you are until I experienced another phase of life, which taught me that people will only stay with you when you are successful. No one would love to mingle with a nonentity or a failed person. Everyone wants to be attributed to good things.
When adulthood came knocking, it was another phase of my life where I'm responsible for every decision I make. I then had a discussion with a wise man who happened to be my father, who explained the things I needed to make good use of my adulthood profitably, physically, mentally, and financially.
People would always want things to go their way without considering whether it was convenient for you to sacrifice for them or not. That's a human act of selfishness, but what can we do about that? The best solution, from my perspective, is to go on the road that is less traveled.
Self-love is the best; prioritizing happiness over everything else may sure accumulate enemies for one because it will be considered selfish or even prideful, but it is also an important factor in peace of mind.
On my 22nd birthday, my dad called me one-on-one and we had a father-to-child's conversation where he asked me some questions on how I want to live my life as an adult and what my plans for a better future are.
He started by asking, "Can you carry eggs in a basket with one hand and successfully climb a ladder to the top with the other hand?".
I had to take my time before replying. I was imagining in my head that it's something I can do, but then a question popped up in my head: "What if I miscalculated my steps and I wanted to fall off the ladder, which obviously I would need my second hand to hold firm just to get a grip to prevent myself from falling? Then I realized I couldn't climb up a ladder to the top successfully without both hands.
"I can't, sir; it will be a bit difficult," I replied.
My dad smiled and said, "Why then are you trying to keep everyone close even when it's not possible?".
At a point in my life, inferiority complex sets in and I began to look down on myself. Once I go out of my way to satisfy others and it's not appreciated, I do feel bad, like I'm not trying enough not until I had this discussion with my dad.
"I just wanted to be good dad, I don't want people finding faults in me", I replied.
"How is that possible? Is it possible to be good for everybody?", he asked.
"No, I can't possibly be good enough to or for everbody", I replied.
"Then stop living for others, start living for yourself and see the world from another perspective. No matter what you do, these people you are trying so hard to keep will only stay if they desire to stay. Whatever it is you do to keep them cannot and will not keep them", my dad said.
Those words sank into my head, I had a deep thoughts about it, then I decided to change my approach to things ,to see if people I sacrifice so much for will notice or not. I had a friend then and we were close to some extent if I must say , if there is a change in her countenance or health,I will know because I so much cherish her. We share virtually everything together including money , the one which sometimes was meant for something important for myself, I will share it with her.
Then I decided to go moody, talk less and act sick ,this is unlike me, I was expecting her to notice something was wrong but what she said changed my mind totally from that day onward.
"You better cheer up, I don't have the time to be asking someone what's wrong, stop acting like someone who wants to die", these were her words to me when I pretended not to be fine.
This shattered my heart. I was surprised to the marrow. I kept asking myself, Is this the same person I ran into debt for?. Then I realized that no one really cares about what you do for them. Just live your life, be good, do the best you can, and move on. As if that was not enough, she did a business and luckily got some amazing proceedings. Then I was in dire need of money to get something fixed in school, which was obvious to her that I was broke; if not, I would have sorted it out. I requested that she lend me some money to use, and I regretted asking.
"You don't like seeing someone with money; once you see it, you must collect from it. Because you know I made a little sale, you want to lend money? Well, the money is budgeted for something, and I can't take anything out of it," she replied.
When she opened up what the money was budgeted for, it was to change her wardrobe. Then I stopped caring about what people would say and just did what pleased me when it pleased me. I no longer do things because people are doing them or because I want to be in everyone's good book.
Thanks for your time, and your comments will be appreciated.
