As a single lady, when I see married couples lament about what they are going through in their marriage, it makes me question where the first love at sight was. The attention, and care given to one another when they were in courtship, what prompted them to stop all the gifts? Amid all these questions, love is a beautiful thing; salvaging it and making it work out till the end is a collective effort of both partners and if there is a loophole in the relationship, such as lack of good communication, trouble won't be far from such homes.
I met with someone whose marriage got ruined due to infidelity; she narrated how she couldn't salvage the relationship even when she tried t,o, although it was a bit late. She saw the signs that things would soon go awol, but she was careless in handling it till it boomeranged. We had this discussion when she was asking me if I was in a relationship and getting prepared for marriage.
"You have just one year left to leave your father's house; you've spent enough time there," Aunt Telma started with a smile.
"My dad is not complaining, and I'm not ready for marriage for now, so I still have time to get myself prepared", I replied. The rate at which marriages get ruined these days is alarming, so I have to get my onions right before going into marriage", I further said.
At the time of this discussion, I never knew she was divorced; although I don't see her with a man, my thought was her husband was living in another state until we had this discussion.
"Onions getter, just do what's right at the right time, don't be deceived by your stature because I know that's what you will be banking on. Marriages are getting destroyed because we got the concept wrong from the onset, and you are right; you have to get it right from the start to avoid stories that touch the heart. I wished I got it right; probably, my husband and I would have still been together to date", Aunt Telma said with a smile.
I wondered why she was smiling at something I was already feeling how painful and devastating it must have been for her.
"I'm sorry about that, ma, but what happened? So sorry to ask, but I would love to hear your story; at this point, I guess I need a story of every life experience I can make my ears available to hear", I said to Aunt Telma.
"Oyin baby", as she fondly calls me. I saw the signs that something was wrong somewhere but I was nonchalant about it and saw it cost me my marriage. My ex-husband was caring and loving; we started dating in my second year at the university, and he was a year ahead of me. The courtship was great and I could say, if you knew us then, you would be envious of our relationship", Aunt Telma started.
"After we got married, an opportunity to work in Portharcourt opened for him as we were living in Lagos State at then. He was reluctant to accept it and I wasn't fine with it either because I knew how difficult it would be for me to cope without having him around but in the end, we concluded that he should go while I retained my job in Lagos till he stabilize then I will move to port Harcourt to be with him after sometimes. The first six months were fine; we talked every day, both on audio and video", Aunt Telma narrated.
"That's awesome; I thought he wasn't calling you; I've seen distance ruin many relationships; it takes some extra sacrifices to keep a long-distance relationship working," I said.
"After a year, things changed for my baby; he no longer calls me as usual, and when I call, he doesn't pick up at that moment, and if he finally picks up, all he would say is that he was busy and my call was disturbing him. I tried to understand, thinking that his work ethic had probably changed. I couldn't just pack my bags and head to Port Harcourt, so I could only reach him through calls. I was patient about it but when I couldn't take it anymore, I told him I wanted to come over for a visit to see if I could secure one or two businesses there before relocating permanently but he declined giving me the excuse that life is a bit expensive there and he didn't have what it takes to take care of me now till I find a work to do. I told him I would manage, but he was obstinate about me not coming, so I decided to let him be, thinking he would travel down to Lagos during the festive period", Aunt Telma further said.
I was listening to her as I couldn't help but imagine what could have gone wrong in the space of a year: "was he having extramarital affairs? Or he was truly busy as he said, "These are the questions in my head that I couldn't bring myself to ask Aunt Telma.
"It was then I knew there was a fire on the mountain; I told him to give me the address of his workplace, but he didn't, nor the one to his house, nor did he come to Lagos for a holiday. I kept on calling and told his parents about what had been going on, but they couldn't do anything about it. I struggled with that for two years, and two lovers became strangers; we hardly talk, and when we do, it's just for a few minutes, and after two years, I got the saddest news of my life," Aunt Telma said with a smile.
"Why are you smiling? It's seriously not funny. I don't know him, but I'm seriously mad at him for treating you so badly," I said angrily.
"Anyways, he got married to a lady in Port Harcourt without my knowledge, and by the time I was informed, the lady in question was already carrying his baby. I thought his conscience returned, and he came home to Lagos, his parent's house, to be precise. I was invited, and they broke the news to me. I couldn't control myself that day. I spoke angrily, cried, and hurt myself, but later, I had to let him go and move on with my life also," Aunt Telma concluded.
"Well, I'm speechless, but I'm glad you are doing fine for yourself. He gave out some smokes to you to show you he wasn't so interested, but you still had to put up with it for two years. Life could be funny at times, but I'm glad you came out of it alive, and that is what matters most," I said to him, and we ended the conversation as I had other things to attend to that day.
Thanks for your time, and your comments will be appreciated.
