The alluring fog

in #hive-170798last year

The seismic movements of her steps bothered me to the core. I was unable to run away from the voices that echoes strongly in my head. It is not that I hate her but I can barely tolerate her presence. While such thoughts occupied my senses, I was already off on a desolate road full of fog.

I like the beauty that lies in front of my eyes, I wondered but at the moment I could also sense her presence. It was weird for her to be on this route. I looked around me but I could see nothing but fog. Within a fraction of a second, it was too much risky for even myself to move a step ahead. I knew it is all pavements but my guts said the opposite.

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I sat idly, nonchalantly waiting for the fog to fade away. I leaned on something cold and looked towards the sky and thought out loud, 'What a beautiful sky.' 'Indeed', called out a voice. I turned but could see nothing. I heard her again. I was not wrong, I was leaning on her.

I radically moved away, the fog was still heavy but I could see her clearly now. She stepped towards me. She was my best friend. I moved a step behind and called out to her, 'Leave me will you!' She stepped forward with a bloody smile, 'how can I ever?' Without thinking anymore, I ran away as fast as I could.

I ran and ran, up until my breaths have gotten me to lose. I panted but whenever I looked behind all I could see is her. So, I ran and ran and suddenly something cold held my hands and I was at pause. Breathing heavily, under my breath, all I could do is pant and whisper, 'Leave me alone.'

She was holding me as tightly as she could. The fog started to clear but she stood straight, behind me, holding my hands tightly. As much as I could believe my eyes, I was standing at the edge of the bridge, one step more and I would fall off the bridge, down a few miles until I hit the water.

Her hands were still cold but my voice didn't pant anymore. 'Why are you saving me?' She started to walk away taking me with her. My body started to shiver, I could feel the freezing hands of her taking control over mine. I sat while all I wanted to do was run away but I sat still. She came in front of me, it was me.

I stood in front of myself, staring baffled at myself. Her voice whispered near my ears, 'How many times will you die?' My eyes widened, I was getting cold, she smiled and I could see her taking away my body and moving in a circle. She was playful, she was smiling and she looked straight at me by lifting my chin up, 'Do you remember killing me?'

Her eyes darted at me, I could sense why my body started freezing up but I wanted to move away. I did nothing, 'STOP RESISTING', she snorted, she screamed in her voice, 'YOU ARE THE TRAITOR!' She moved in a circle and coiled me in her arms, 'you killed me slowly while I was asleep next to you. I believed in you but you killed me, again and again.' Her voice echoed, the fog still existed but I could see myself with her voice.

'I will take you with me,' she smiled yet again, snuggling me into her. I could resist her no more. I could sense her strong presence, I could see my vision fading away, I was getting colder, my breaths getting hazy. I killed her.

I was young, playing with my toys, all she did was stomped into the room and throw away all my toys. However, I always loved playing with her. It was one evening when my arms went cold like today and I coiled myself on her. She was begging to be set free but I was cold. I killed her. My arms grabbed her soft body and hugged her too tightly. Although, I was naive yet I still killed her.

She came for her revenge.

'Adil, Adil!' Sneha jolted me awake. Her hands were warm, but she was looking awful with her face covered in dirt and water. She was red. How long has she been crying I wondered. I sat while holding her hands still, I looked at it, 'How long have I been holding you?' 'Since we went to sleep yesterday night.' I looked outside, it is dark outside.

It was cloudy outside, not a tint of fog to be seen. It was a nightmare, I wondered. She hugged me tightly and said, 'Never lemme go'. I hugged onto her, 'I will never', but something seemed different, she looked at me with red eyes and smiled meekly.

All this time, it was me alone killing myself for the deed that I have never done. For a friend I never had. For a girl I never had. I dived into the darkness, fading away into the fog, away with my demons.

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Here we find an allegory on madness which leaves us unsure of Sneha's existence. You have done well to build atmosphere, however some character development would really make this story shine.

The Ink Well has some great resources in our catalog of fiction writing tips. For example, we have tips on developing characters in your stories. With some clarity on the relationship between these two, the drama of this tale would fly off the page. Thank you for sharing your story with us, don't forget to engage with other members of the community as well!

I wanted to keep her existence unknown but you are right, the depth gets lost. Thank you for your advice. I will read and work on character development more.

!DHEDGE

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