Nothing.
That was all that was always in his mind when he casually strolled back home, exhausted from the day activities.
His mind was always filled with the general weightlessness of nothing.
His headphones were on, not for the want of music, just for the sheer need of privacy. A subtle polite yet loud way of saying "Hello, I genuinely do not wish to speak to your or hear from you. Please don't talk to me, or do, it makes no matter for I won't respond."
He was well known for his cold and unsocial temperament. He heard the rumors, yet couldn't care less about them.
He had already thought about it and concluded that explaining to others about how talking to them was a severe drain on his energy and an incredibly effective way to waste time.
Time which for one he didn't have.
He strolled home faster. It was almost 6 and his sister would already be at home, exhausted and hungry and totally helpless.
He and her had been alone for four years now, he was left with his family inheritance which was on lease by a family friend till he came of age.
A financial friend, for he provides only money for school and feeding and nothing else. Still that was enough for James. He didn't care for his dad's friend's attention, he just kept on walking.
Holding his sister's arm and allowing his silent yet form will drag them both out of their grief and through their lives.
He came across his favorite spot, then he stopped and admired the sunset. As always, it was quite magical. No matter his rush home, he always took time, a minute or two to admire nature, admire life, even though he wasn't living it.
He was shocked as he noticed someone else at his spot.
She seemed to have stopped unknowingly. Her eyes fixed on the field where a number of activities were happening.
He looked at the group of people playing different games on different sections of the university sports area all visible to the passersby.
Volleyball, soccer, lawn tennis and some folks who were dancing on the outside court where basketball is usually played.
James' eyes strayed to the girl again who seemed to be in the middle of making a decision.
For some reason he was intrigued, not in the sunset, not on the athletes, but on this girl whose eyes clearly wanted to join those moving about, yet her body seemed to want to keep moving, to trudge on, to carry on walking.
She silently watched the players while James silently watched her. She didn't notice him staring at her, either that or she didn't care.
After a deep breath, she kept on walking.
"Aren't you going to join them?" James asked besides himself.
She stopped and looked back at him with tears in her eyes. James was shocked by the sudden show of emotion. Talking to people first wasn't his forte, he almost never did it, yet now he had started he figured it'd be more rude to just stay mute.
"You looked like you wanted to go over there." He continued, hands gesturing towards the field.
"I do." She said quietly. "Yet I have so many things that I need to do that what I want to do doesn't really matter."
James nodded quietly, his mind flashing back to his sister who was probably waiting for him back at home. He walked on, about to pass her as she spoke;
"Life is terribly unfair sometimes." At that he stopped and laughed sadly.
"You're right, life is unfair to everybody."
With a sigh he continued. "I'm sorry for speaking when I clearly had no right to, I don't know why I did."
He walked past and turned to see her still looking longingly at the field. With a shake of his head he carried on.
"Life is unfair to everyone unfairly, that is the one fair thing about life." That is a conclusion he had come to quite a while ago after the death of his parents.
He came home and saw his sister asleep with her uniform on the couch.
It was a weekend so he didn't have to immediately wake her up to change into her pajamas.
He freshened up and began getting dinner ready.
A few minutes later he was in the sitting room, the television on as he tried and failed to get his sister out of her uniform and to the bath.
He gave up and decided to rest a bit while watching her sleeping with her shirt almost off her head and her hands propped up at a weird angle.
It had grown dark, and he covered the curtain blinds and double checked the locks on the doors. At fifteen, he had grown capable enough to make sure of the security, finances, feeding and care for his 5 year old sister.
Indeed life was unfair to him, but it was life still and he'd make it as fair for his little sister as much as unfairly as possible.
Header Image taken by Me.
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