“What if you tried a bit harder and you fall in love with it?” Said my lecturer
“Well, what if I tried a bit harder and absolutely hate it even more” I replied.
The summary? I tried a bit harder like he suggested, and I absolutely did not fail. I passed, in flying colours might I add.
It is not properly emphasized, the disappointment one faces after failing to get admission into the university for your desired course. A lot of people would rather stay a year back, but I wasn’t the type to do that. I love being busy and the idea of staying a year back to rewrite the university admission processing exams just didn’t make sense to me. So, of-course I took the offer to study Chemistry instead of Nursing, with a backup plan.
“I’ll accept the course and then re-write JAMB after 100 level so that I can process nursing again” I’d said to my mum the evening I saw that I’d been granted admission to study Chemistry. Logging into the website, an anxious mess, and seeing the boldly written message, “You have been granted admission…..” I screamed, excited to be a university student. My mother ran out of the room as I yelled the happy news. We jumped together, happily. And then, as the proud university student that I was soon becoming, I wanted to read the complete message out loud to her and then I saw it, “You have been granted admission to study Chemistry at the University of Meducal Sciences”. Immediately, it felt like someone poured cold water all over me. I was still happy, but also quite disappointed.
Chemistry was never even on my options list, so when I found myself in class, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “what exactly am I doing here?” 100 level was so difficult for me. I neither enjoyed going to class nor was I interested in forming friendships. My focus at the time was on re-writing the admission exams so I could process Nursing; my heart desire, again. Long story short, I still didn’t get the course even after writing the exams for a second time.
Now, as you can already imagine, I was devastated. I took ill and was on hospital admission for two weeks. In my mind, I thought, “What a cruel universe joke, are you trying to tell me that, if I didn’t get the university admission for my desired course of study, at least, I’m getting hospital admission, how humorlessly sarcastic”. My parents were worried as I laid on the hospital bed, fully facing the wall and always carrying a frown.
When I resumed back to school, naturally it was hard for me. I hadn’t made any friends, none of my lecturers knew me. For a department with only 10 students at the time, I shouldn’t have been hard to miss. But I was! So, it was only natural for my lecturer to call me after I’d scored the highest for a test. A lecturer's whose classes I’d never attended.
I remember walking into the school that evening, the sun was beginning to set and I noticed for the first time, how beautiful my school field looked in that yellow light of the sun rays. It wasn’t enough to spark any form of hope in me though. I walked into the lecturer’s office and I was genuinely curious as to why he would want to see me.
The first question this man asked me was, “did you have someone write the test for you?’
I replied, “Sir, I don’t even know anyone in the department so nobody could have written the test for me”
“How did you know I was having a test if you’ve never attended my class and more importantly, how did you score the highest, those in class couldn’t beat you, that doesn’t make sense” He said with surprise written all over his face
I wanted to be anywhere but that office, because why was I being interrogated like some criminal? But politely, I replied, “I have the department’s schedule, the course outline and the PDFs Sir, I studied for the test”
Perhaps that response sparked the scientist flame in him or perhaps he saw a girl the age of his daughter, I don’t know. But at that moment, he appeared extremely curious about my identity and my story. And so I told him, “I don’t understand why I’m studying chemistry, I have never imagined I would be here in this department so I have no idea what to do with it”
That evening, as the sun set and soft wind blew against his window, he told me his story which very much resonated with mine. How he wanted to be a medical doctor, he tried for the course three times and kept getting chemistry every single time. He decided to take that leap of faith and not only did he jump into passion but also into fortune.
“With chemistry, I am truly living my passion which I didn’t even realize all along. I have time for my family, time for myself, time for God. It would have been great to study MBBS but ,only when I got into Chemistry did I realize that fate pushed me into something I was cut out for. I have a natural curiosity and itch to always provide a solution and tell me, isn’t that what makes a great scientist?”
I began to make sense of all he was saying because, he felt truly relatable. However, one clause remained, “but I don’t know what I’ll ever have to do with Chemistry” I said to him, hoping for one more push, just one more push to a complete mindset change.
“Why not leave that to fate to decide, all you gotta do is give it your best” He said, ending the conversation.
As I walked out of that building, everything just made more sense to me, the evening air, the warm golden color of the disappearing sun, the full moon hiding behind the cloud, slowly waiting for the sun to completely disappear and myself, standing amidst all these.
That man metaphorically took a broom, and swept all of my worries, the approaching depression, the concerns, the lack of hope; all under a rug. Then he opened the windows and light came pouring into the room as if they'd been waiting to do so, he then spread a new rug atop the old one. One so brightly colored it filled me with hope.
“Yeah, I’ll try harder. Let’s see what happens” I said to myself as I walked out of the school.
Glossary
JAMB : The Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board (JAMB) is a Nigerian entrance examination board for tertiary-level institutions. Source.
MBBS : A Bachelor of Medicine and Bachelor of Surgery. Source.
All images in this article are mine
Thank you for reading! :)
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