I am perhaps a bit sensitive about this issue, generally its something that I haven't spoken much about. But its coming up more in the general conciousness.
The sadness of happy pills gave me some additional motivation today, its a pharMafia world and yes, it is related to everything else going on.
I guess to start this out I should reveal that I started taking meth at 9 years old. On the advice of my doctor of course.
When I was 11 I started secretly throwing it in the garbage. When my parents found out (through a fink I never forgave), I was given a couole of good smacks and told I had probably killed a baby or something when they found my medication in the trash.
Thinking back, this was the first time I realized that the adults in my life were completely full of shit, hypocrites that could not be trusted. I mean, if this drug was so dangerous for babies why were they giving it to me? It became obvious to me that they were given it to me to help themselves.
Shortly thereafter I realized the truth about santa and the tooth fairy, and this only confirmed for me further that these people did not have my best interests in mind.
I am pretty sure this loss of trust never entered my parents minds. Would they have done something differently had I been able to articulate these words then?
By 13 I was off the drugs. I'm not sure I remember how exactly I managed it, but my parents had only become more hypocritical with the drugs as I became ever more rebellious. I remember that on weekends I wouldn't have to take it, unless I got 'too out of control', and then they would drug me. I learned really young that even loved ones will use their own ignorance and weakness as leverage against you.
But I did break free. And maybe some of that struggle stayed with me.
I popped a few adderall (a version of meth, also called Speed) in college to pull off some all-nighter term papers; but the zombified feeling of meth never attracted me. I like who I am and how I think. And I never forgot that the drugging me was to help other people get through the day, not me - I've never had a problem getting through the day.
Just to nail this section home, if you are drugging your kid(s), you are an abuser; we can forgive our abusers but we don't forget the abuse.
And I don't want to sound righteous, I was a hassle and I appreciate that my parents didnt smother me out of existence; without the drugs I probably would have gotten smacked around quite a bit more, at least. But a better class of abuse is just, like, your opinion man.
So a few days back while working with @ecoinstante on her master's thesis, I laid out for her why I thought her professor's theory was bunk and how we should propose it better.
She said something to me, very catchy,
"When you are doing your masters, you will have to bow your head and adjust to the world just like everyone else!"
I thought about that, and replied that many people have told me something similar throughout my life. Parents, teachers, even some mentors, friends, classmate, etc you name it.
Alex, one day you will have to change.
No
Well, maybe someday, but that day hasn't come yet. I bend reality to my will - and I have accepted the 'unfathomable' consequences more than once.
And to my wife's great credit, she suddenly remembered how many people in her life had told her versions of the same thing, and how she has been proud many times to reject 'This is the only way things are done' type madness and still find success.
But looking around me, I suddenly get the feeling that not a lot of kids my age made it out.
Lets talk about depression
This is where I get the pushback. But fuck your uncomfort, wake up, because your escapism is the problem destroying our civilization. The debilitating depression we feel as a society is a sign not to be ignored!
You are fat, lazy, dont get enough sun, dont get enough exercise, probably are pre-diabetic, dont see enough nature, dont grow any plants, don't drinknenough water and are watching our civilization go to shit. Yeah, we are depressed. But a happy pill is not the answer!
If you are depressed, maybe its because you conformed a bit too much. SSRIs are not helping, now you just feel better (or not) about your shit life.
Stop it. Stop defending escapism. Stop doing it to the children. Reject the PharMafia tropes. And do it now.
