It was a tough week. I lost a friend and companion last weekend and it hit me harder than I thought it would.
It's taken me a bit to put things aside and jot down what I'm going through; how I'm feeling and just the unexpected impact that losing him had on me. I'm no stranger to loss so I really wrestled with this particular one. I started and stop this post several times over the past few days.
I finally settled on the post as a catharsis and a montage to pay homage to a family member, companion and steadfast friend. Don't get me wrong, the grief I felt was real, it was painful the fact that he was our dog didn't detract or lessen it in any way. On the contrary, as I mentioned it actually took me by surprise but I wanted to honour him in some way. Sharing this helped.
His name was Caffrey
His name was Caffrey. That's right, like the Beer. We added him to our family 12 years ago and from that day he was like our fourth son. He's a Golden-Doodle mix with jet black fur and a white star on his chest. As he aged he even developed a grey beard on the bottom of his chin. People would say that was from him hanging around me all the time.
He wore his emotions on his sleeve.
My wife would say that when I wasn't around he would sulk and mope around the house. Constantly bug her for attention and be her shadow. She would end up with him on her lap when she was able to sit down and relax. He loved to be around us.
He wasn't a small dog either. He averaged around 60lbs so when he wanted to cuddle and sit on your lap, one you usually had no choice and two you had no choice.
The things he loved
He went everywhere with us. He loved the car and usually couched out between the boys on the long rides up to the cottage to go camping or out for a hike. He loved to jump in the pool with us on those summer scorchers.
The cottage
He loved to go to the cottage. My mother usually ended up spoiling him with people food (which he wasn't allowed) but I would inevitably find him chomping a sausage at breakfast or some steak at dinner. As soon as we opened the car door he would beeline it to the lake. He loved everything about the cottage, the lake, the boat rides, the walks and the additional food he would get.
The snow
He loved the snow. It's a good thing he had a ton of fur because he loved being outside in the winter. Fresh snow was his favourite. As we walked he would run his snout through the fresh snow layer as he bounded around. He was one of the kids and loved to run around the back with the boys. He would go for runs full out through the field in the back. Made for a relaxing evening for us parents. They would tire each other out.
Hanging out
He was a couch potato. He loved to just hang out with us. He claimed a few spots in the family room. He had his bed and would lay on it when we were in the kitchen or moving about. When we settled down to watch something he would usually hit the hassock. Everyone had their spot, including Caffrey. He kept me company in my office and would just couch on his bed under my desk. A great foot warmer.
He was a challenge
When he was bout 2 we had a scare. In the middle of the night, he had a seizure. We panicked. It was 3 am. We ended up running him to an all-night clinic. They checked him out and we went home with him. He was OK. After many trips to the Dr.'s, we determined he had Epilepsy. We managed it pretty well over the next 10 years with meds. He had a few breakthroughs but he did well. We always thought that would be what would take him from us. We charged on. It was a big stressor in our lives especially when I had to go away.
He was a clutz
We always thought he had a very high pain threshold. He never watched where he was going always more concerned with what others were doing rather than where he was going. I can't begin to tell you how many walls, posts, trees, snowbanks, or people he walked into. Twisted paws, ripped ears, broken teeth, cut pads. I don't think we went many years without having the cone or a sock on him at least once. Last year we discover he had a cancerous growth on one of his toes and had to have it amputated. He was a trooper and recovered well.
He was our buddy
"Buddy" and Caffrey were interchangeable. With all the ups and down we went through together our bond was pretty strong. He wasn't just a dog to us. For my wife, he was a guardian when I was away (yes, she stressed about his epilepsy but at the same time he was comforting for her to have around.) She says she hates the quiet of the house now. For my boys he was a companion, almost another brother, he was part of their pack. They could get raucous together but he always kept the peace if it got out of hand.
To me, he was that constant presence that got me off my ass every day to play, go for a walk, to cuddle on the couch as I played or watched a game. He was my work companion and kept me company during the day. He was part of my routine for the past 12 years. I was part of his routine. My wife's right the house is quiet.
I'm going to miss you, Buddy. Rest easy.
