I read somewhere that nostalgia romanticizes things.It has the tendency to idealize or glorify the past, often forgetting it's negative aspects. And I believe this is true. An experience of mine made me realize this.
Last year, I reconnected with an ex of mine. We bumped into each other at a place we used to hang out when we were dating and we got to talking. We talked about our lives, school and other things. It was nice talking to an old friend. I know some people might raise an eyebrow at me using the word friend for an ex. But I used to be of the stand that when people break up, it shouldn't stop them from being friends. People might disagree with me because they think friendship between exes could revive old feelings and lost passion. But I didn't think so then.
We exchanged contacts then with the promise to text each other online. I didn't text him that day or the day after because I didn't want him to misconstrue my actions. Then, he texted me two days later, giving a reason why he hadn't texted me on the day we met. We carried on our conversation from the last time. The conversation was easy and I saw he had not lost his humorous touch. I laughed at his texts, and before you know it, I was expecting his texts before they arrived. One day, he told me he missed me and he would like us to get back together if it was possible. I told him I missed him too but I didn't give an answer to his request.
I was single then, and loneliness and nostalgia decided to creep in like the stealthy devils they are. I started yearning and longing for the good times I had with that ex when we were dating. I wanted to experience it again. So, I decided to try again with him, I mean, what was the harm there? I decided to give him an answer the next day, which was going to be positive.
But nostalgia can be a liar sometimes. Nothing is ever good as nostalgia romanticizes it to be, definitely not past relationships. It makes you forget or put aside the negative aspects. The things that made you decide to leave the relationship. The day I decided to give him the answer, we were chatting about old friends we shared in common. And then we broached the topic of his bestfriend. That friend was the bane to our relationship. He was among the major blows that caused cracks in it. When we were dating, my ex acquainted me with some of his friends and I made a good show of tolerating them. This specific best friend seemed to reason that since I was his friend’s girlfriend, I was automatically his friend or something and he started treating me with a certain lack of respect.
He would insult me with words I would never use on others. He would tease me like I was one of his guys on his street. We both knew we had no love lost between us but I thought that for the sake of my ex, we would respect and tolerate each other at least, but it was not to be so. I tried to let my ex know that his friend was disrespecting me badly but he would have none of it, because I didn't have proof according to him. Then,a day came when I and my ex had an argument in front of that friend. It was kind of heated and i had to walk away before I spilled words that i couldn't take back. Then, my ex called me a bitch.
That word is number one on my most hated words list. I find it appalling and disgusting. I find people who use it on each other as endearing or insulting terms disgusting. I never thought my ex would use it on me. It was scalding and embarrassing because he had even said it in front of that friend. When he said that, I felt this burning urge to give him back from his own tea but I stemmed it down and was about to take my leave. Then he called me useless, and before I knew it, his friend was also raining insults on me. I left that place with furious tears running down my cheeks. I had been toying with the decision to break up, but this act pushed me to finally do it. I broke up with him and then, because he thought he was right in insulting me the way he did, he never reached out to ask why or to apologize for his actions. And that was the end.
So, when we broached the topic of his friend, I told him of how I had felt then. I explained to him that it wasn't proper for him to have allowed his friend insult his girlfriend. And well, I thought he was better, that he would realize his wrongs. But, he proved me wrong. He still went ahead to justify his actions and said that it was in the past. He told me to forget about it and I told him I couldn't. If he still felt right in doing what he did, it meant it would happen again if we got back together. He was not someone I could communicate my hurt with. He wasn't an accountable person and I remembered so many reasons why I disliked him and why I had left the relationship. So, I gave him my response to his request of we getting back together and it was an outright no.
Nostalgia served in me almost making a regrettable decision. It lied to me and made the past look like it was only good. It made me forget that there were more bad times than good.