The moment I stepped into the classroom, a child walked up to me, hugged before screaming at the top of her lungs "Today is my birthday, I turn 7 today". As expected of me I simply put a smile on my face before responding "oooh today is your special day, happy birthday" before proceeding to sing a birthday song for her . Despite being the president of I hate birthdays association I was genuinely happy for her. I loved the way the day made her feel even if I have never felt like that for as long as I can remember so yes I chose to make her day with a song.
The school I teach does not encourage a staff room as it wanted teachers to be fully involved in the academic lives of the kids. I teach the high schoolers but because of the school policy, I have a table/ mini office in grade 2A where I assist the class teacher with grading and supervision.
Two hours into lessons, the class teacher told the birthday girl to stand at the front of the class so they can sing her a birthday song, pray for her and also share the cake she brought to school. After the class finished the birthday song, the celebrant also added that there was going to be a birthday party for her at home and we were all invited to come celebrate with her . It was at that very moment it hit me, I was never celebrated before in my childhood, I don't have a picture with a cake or whatever in front of me in my any of my early pictures. In fact I did not even know my birthday until I was eight years old so seeing people celebrate something I could never have kinda pricked me the wrong way of course I ended up hating it to fill up the vacuum in my chest region. Initially I always thought the reason I hated birthdays was because it reminded me of just how little I have accomplished even when I am not getting any younger, I guess I was always wrong.
When people ask about my birthdate, I just tell them it's irrelevant since I don't celebrate it anyway and just few people know the exact date. This continued for years until last year when my friends planned a surprise birthday party for me . The whole thing caught me off guard and till this day I still marvel about how they were able hatch the whole thing right under my nose .
I am not going to lie, I genuinely love the feeling and the experience was amazing but right after the whole celebration I still reverted right back to my old self. I know I am going to ghost everybody this year to avoid birthday wishes and deep down I do not want it celebrated anymore. This is not being ungrateful or anything, I am just used to the already existing system that anything new feels like an aberration.
I never know if I'll ever look forward to my birthday with excitement the same way I see people around me do, maybe my attitude towards it will change with time but for now I really do hate birthdays.
